i missed the sign
yes. i noticed
that your shirt is much the same hue
as mine.
oh, you are colorblind you say?
i say it is pink.
you say grey?
well, not everything is black and white.
i wish you weren't so blind.
colorblind i mean.
not everything is so grey.
sometimes pastels scream
to be noticed
by you.
but you can't see them, can you?
no. i suppose
it is not your fault.
after all, you are hung up
in your bland life
even though i offer you all
my color.
you don't even know
what you can't see.
you don't even know
your color.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
beware doll, you're bound to fall....
collage won a gold medal from columbia....ahhhhhh this is excitement to the utmost degree. today this piece got some amazing feedback i didn't expect.
life is in fact balloons and butterflies
my prince came roaring through
totting balloons and butterflies
in a pastel pink '87 volvo,
blaring his emo love tunes while headbanging,
losing control and crashing
into my chest.
like the too tight hairband on my wrist
he was turning me a deep shade of purple.
i would awake to blinking red lights
emanating from a digital face
much reminding me of those brown eyelashes
that would blink out morse codes
in response to my restlessly tapping digits.
our messages were composed
of nat king cole slang
and disgustingly sentimental pet names.
we would dance in the style of fred and ginger
to scratched records
and dusty yardsale mixed tapes,
stepping on one another's toes
without moral analysis or apologies.
no time for a time out,
no coach to blow the whistle.
our fourth quarter is still games away.
this is only practice.
in a completely unrelated tidbit......i discovered a new poet and i have fallen head over heels. john ashbery. i loved my new style in the poem my confabulation. reading mr. ashbery's work confirms for me that a disjointed style can work beautifully and is sometimes the best way to convey. so thank you mr. ashbery. i adore you.
life is in fact balloons and butterflies
my prince came roaring through
totting balloons and butterflies
in a pastel pink '87 volvo,
blaring his emo love tunes while headbanging,
losing control and crashing
into my chest.
like the too tight hairband on my wrist
he was turning me a deep shade of purple.
i would awake to blinking red lights
emanating from a digital face
much reminding me of those brown eyelashes
that would blink out morse codes
in response to my restlessly tapping digits.
our messages were composed
of nat king cole slang
and disgustingly sentimental pet names.
we would dance in the style of fred and ginger
to scratched records
and dusty yardsale mixed tapes,
stepping on one another's toes
without moral analysis or apologies.
no time for a time out,
no coach to blow the whistle.
our fourth quarter is still games away.
this is only practice.
in a completely unrelated tidbit......i discovered a new poet and i have fallen head over heels. john ashbery. i loved my new style in the poem my confabulation. reading mr. ashbery's work confirms for me that a disjointed style can work beautifully and is sometimes the best way to convey. so thank you mr. ashbery. i adore you.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
i've got to make my bed if i am gonna lay with you, 'cause a disaster's a disaster no matter what christian language you drag it through...
I am still trapped in a state of confusion. I am also evidently oblivious. But hey, what more could you anticipate to hear about me?
orange trees and massive lizards
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man
descended from a preacher's daughter
who broke away from a small town mindset
to find love in the form
of a sailor man
who would sail on a far different ship
years later.
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man
who married a small town girl
when he had tired of traveling the world,
traded the hot california sun rays
and orange trees and massive lizards
for cold winters and mountain ranges
at the age of ten.
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man
who joined a family of town founders,
cherokee indians and handsome men,
blue -eyed mexicans and high-heel throwing
depression survivors.
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man,
searching for my sailor boy
to tie down in a small town
when i've found all my orange trees
and tired of mountain ranges
and decided it's my time
to be more
than the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man.
orange trees and massive lizards
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man
descended from a preacher's daughter
who broke away from a small town mindset
to find love in the form
of a sailor man
who would sail on a far different ship
years later.
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man
who married a small town girl
when he had tired of traveling the world,
traded the hot california sun rays
and orange trees and massive lizards
for cold winters and mountain ranges
at the age of ten.
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man
who joined a family of town founders,
cherokee indians and handsome men,
blue -eyed mexicans and high-heel throwing
depression survivors.
i am the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man,
searching for my sailor boy
to tie down in a small town
when i've found all my orange trees
and tired of mountain ranges
and decided it's my time
to be more
than the daughter of a red-haired
japanese man.
Monday, September 22, 2008
well, there is a house in new orleans they call the rising sun. and it's been the ruin of many a poor girl. and god, i know i'm one.
so...this sums up where i am at the moment i suppose. i'm loving all my writings at the moment, so i'm embracing this feeling as long as it lasts and sharing my work while i have confidence in its quality.
my confabulation:
someone once bluntly informed me
as i lounged on the cafe's loveseat
that your polo shirts
would never vibe with my tatterdemalion style.
i feel in a sense demented
every time i am caught in a vain wish.
i lust after your button up shirts
like the paparazzi after britney.
if you would only slide down
those ray-bans for a twinkle and behold...
someone once assured me
that vegas mailmen never stray
for they know elvis is just around the corner
in a lime green sanctuary.
it doesn't pose concern that your flavor
will dissolve as quickly as a pack of chiclets.
i am now a child, wearied
from having to color inside the lines for too long an eternity.
tramp on over in your boat shoes.
walk all over me until i'm subdued with seasickness.
someone once politely advised me
as i subtly elided the babbled chaos
that your polo shirts
would never vibe with my tatterdemalion style.
my confabulation:
someone once bluntly informed me
as i lounged on the cafe's loveseat
that your polo shirts
would never vibe with my tatterdemalion style.
i feel in a sense demented
every time i am caught in a vain wish.
i lust after your button up shirts
like the paparazzi after britney.
if you would only slide down
those ray-bans for a twinkle and behold...
someone once assured me
that vegas mailmen never stray
for they know elvis is just around the corner
in a lime green sanctuary.
it doesn't pose concern that your flavor
will dissolve as quickly as a pack of chiclets.
i am now a child, wearied
from having to color inside the lines for too long an eternity.
tramp on over in your boat shoes.
walk all over me until i'm subdued with seasickness.
someone once politely advised me
as i subtly elided the babbled chaos
that your polo shirts
would never vibe with my tatterdemalion style.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
for every moment you waste, there's another right behind it to take it's place...
this is one of my favorite pieces of literature by one of my favortie poets. think ainsley burrows a few generations ago..and you come to a brilliant man by the name of langston hughes. it pisses me off that i can't find my damn book. i'm going through fucking withdrawls. so if you are the picaroon who came into my place of residence and snatched my beloved book away, beware for i will hunt you down and rip your entrails out of you through your nose. i'm not a violent person, so i'm hoping it has just been misplaced....
harlem
what happens to a dream deferred?
does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
or fester like a sore-
and then run?
does it stink like rotten meat?
or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?
maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
or does it explode?
harlem
what happens to a dream deferred?
does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
or fester like a sore-
and then run?
does it stink like rotten meat?
or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?
maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
or does it explode?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
let me tell you about a girl i know. she like hip hop and rock and roll....
for the past few days i have been enthralled in art. ive never tried painting or any such thing before, so i decided to dabble in it. i mean, what the hell? i feel illustrious. yay me.
so this is my first. it is entitled bob ross. its my attempt at a modern art shoutout.
and this is inspired by an old postcard of mine. i did a sun print and i felt it only fitting to do a painting also.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
hallelujah to the ones in our bones. hallelujah to the ones that we love...
dreams. lately i have been plagued with them. i'm not saying this is a bad thing. this is just an odd thing for me. like seriously...what the fuck is going on in my head?
i'm in walmart with my mother and grandmother. the world is going to end in the matter of a few hours. there seems to be doubt among many people, but not enough doubt to let it go. it is like you know everything is going to be gone, but at that same time you hang on to that one fragment of hope that something will go wrong and everyone can go back to living normally. but anyway, everything is on sale. why the stores are still open is beyond me. maybe the people thought if they kept living normally, then nothing bad could happen. so, i'm anxious to get home, because i want two things. my dad and my locket with iboo's pictures.
we finally get home and at this point there are only two or three hours left. no one knows what to do. i've got my cell phone in hand, anxiously awaiting a text from dream crusher for some reason. no one is in the living room with me and i'm clutching my locket and thinking...how can this happen? and i feel like i've known for months and i'm still in denial that time could have passed so fast. and i stare out the window at the trees and i blink me eyes.
and i'm in this small little one room building that is school. it is just us kids and a few teachers. i'm still clutching my locket and sitting on the floor in front of this bench thingy and thinking...i want my matches cds. the world is going to end in a matter of minutes and i know that is the only thing that could even begin to comfort me.
and then it is time. it is dark outside, no stars, nothing. we all watch out the window to see what our fate will be...if this is really true. there is this flash and then we know that is it. some teacher is like "let's try the door. that's the only way we will know." somehow if the door will open, the world hasn't ended. and if it won't budge, well you get the point. so the teacher goes to the door and it won't open. this overwhelming feeling takes over me. it can't be described.
and then some boy is yanking at the door and i'm on my feet. and he's yanking and yanking...and then it cracks open. in a rush, without even thinking, i'm out the door and running with all i have in me. i hear the door slam and i see a few other people around me. and we are running and running and running over these hills with no trees in sight.
and all of a sudden, lights appear in perfect little lines. we all stop and stare. they are like lines of fireflys. and they are all around us. and i realize daniel is to my side. it is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life. daniel is like "what are those?" and i respond "they are souls." and there are thousands and thousands, never ending lines of beautiful lights, of beautiful souls. heading in the opposite direction as we are. daniel makes the comment "well, that goes against any religious belief i've ever heard. but i'll except it." and the lines of light move to the building we were in, and as it passes over, more lights join.
we begin to walk again and end up in a little area. aaren is there, ryann, and a few other people. all together there are six of us and someone else in the outskirts. and i think how we are the only survivors...that there must be more. and i watch the beautiful lights fly over the hills.
and i awake.
i always try to find the meaning in my dreams. i read something about the world ending in 2012 a few weeks ago. maybe? and i wake up this morning and it is july 12. i realize today would have been iboo's birthday. come september 13 iboo will have been gone two years. perhaps a little of both then?
i'm in walmart with my mother and grandmother. the world is going to end in the matter of a few hours. there seems to be doubt among many people, but not enough doubt to let it go. it is like you know everything is going to be gone, but at that same time you hang on to that one fragment of hope that something will go wrong and everyone can go back to living normally. but anyway, everything is on sale. why the stores are still open is beyond me. maybe the people thought if they kept living normally, then nothing bad could happen. so, i'm anxious to get home, because i want two things. my dad and my locket with iboo's pictures.
we finally get home and at this point there are only two or three hours left. no one knows what to do. i've got my cell phone in hand, anxiously awaiting a text from dream crusher for some reason. no one is in the living room with me and i'm clutching my locket and thinking...how can this happen? and i feel like i've known for months and i'm still in denial that time could have passed so fast. and i stare out the window at the trees and i blink me eyes.
and i'm in this small little one room building that is school. it is just us kids and a few teachers. i'm still clutching my locket and sitting on the floor in front of this bench thingy and thinking...i want my matches cds. the world is going to end in a matter of minutes and i know that is the only thing that could even begin to comfort me.
and then it is time. it is dark outside, no stars, nothing. we all watch out the window to see what our fate will be...if this is really true. there is this flash and then we know that is it. some teacher is like "let's try the door. that's the only way we will know." somehow if the door will open, the world hasn't ended. and if it won't budge, well you get the point. so the teacher goes to the door and it won't open. this overwhelming feeling takes over me. it can't be described.
and then some boy is yanking at the door and i'm on my feet. and he's yanking and yanking...and then it cracks open. in a rush, without even thinking, i'm out the door and running with all i have in me. i hear the door slam and i see a few other people around me. and we are running and running and running over these hills with no trees in sight.
and all of a sudden, lights appear in perfect little lines. we all stop and stare. they are like lines of fireflys. and they are all around us. and i realize daniel is to my side. it is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life. daniel is like "what are those?" and i respond "they are souls." and there are thousands and thousands, never ending lines of beautiful lights, of beautiful souls. heading in the opposite direction as we are. daniel makes the comment "well, that goes against any religious belief i've ever heard. but i'll except it." and the lines of light move to the building we were in, and as it passes over, more lights join.
we begin to walk again and end up in a little area. aaren is there, ryann, and a few other people. all together there are six of us and someone else in the outskirts. and i think how we are the only survivors...that there must be more. and i watch the beautiful lights fly over the hills.
and i awake.
i always try to find the meaning in my dreams. i read something about the world ending in 2012 a few weeks ago. maybe? and i wake up this morning and it is july 12. i realize today would have been iboo's birthday. come september 13 iboo will have been gone two years. perhaps a little of both then?
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it's not as hard as it seems...
usually my most psychotic dreams occur when I am sick or severely sleep deprived. two days ago i was neither, but yet i had the dream that is one of my oddest thus far. most dreams i tend to forget unless i make the point to lodge them in my cranium for further analysis. this one just stuck though without the slightest amount of effort from moi. and so i will tell my tale. do your best to follow along.
bob dylan is my father. he is like 40 maybe. well we spend our time in this clubhouse type thing that you would see on a pbs show as a teenage hangout. there are always a massive amount of people chilling in there btw. well my mother, who is a lady that is exotic, yet homely.(if you can imagine that) she goes to africa or singapore or something to help needy kids.
my dad bob dylan is cheating on my mom with some bitch. i love my dad bob dylan, but he infuriates me because i'm like come on. mom is helping needy children and you can't keep it in your pants? (a side note: my dad bob dylan is just like i imagine bob dylan to truly be. very quiet. doesn't speak too much. spends time in his room alone. kind of like my dad i guess.) i confront my dad bob dylan but the bitch is with him and i can tell he doesn't really like her but she won't shut up. i get mad that he won't stand up for himself and is siding with her so i decide to leave and somewhere in this process mom comes back.
then i'm in this hotel suite thing making drinks for people i met at the NEED trip and random other people who i've never seen before. and i conversate for a while and then decide i must stop lallygagging and head home because i've got to work out the situation with my cheating dad bob dylan.(i never get mad at him btw because he seems so fragile and so childish like he doesn't know he's done something wrong.)
so then i'm at my real life house and i know that the bitch dad's been cheating with is over at the trailer. so i head over there to cuss her out. my oblivious mother is along too. so, i go in there and start cussing the bitch out and getting very fired up. i finally decide to just go talk to my dad bob dylan because i know that i can turn him around if the bitch isn't around. so i leave mom and the bitch and the random other people who are always around in the trailer.(mom has no personality. she is just there. bitch and her don't even fight. lol)
somehow i end up at an enormous mall that our clubhouse is attached to evidently. i'm walking with this lady and her two kids inside the mall because for some reason i'm in no hurry and i need to go to cvs for some hairspray or shit. well we pass the cvs. i go in and this little middle eastern guy is there all friendly and whatnot. so i buy what i need and go out. i tell the lady and her kids goodbye and head off to talk to my dad bob dylan. somehow i get lost and i meet up again with this lady and her kids. on the escalators, the little girl hurts her achilles tendon and it is bleeding so me and the little boy go back to the cvs. we get some medical aid shit and talk to the middle eastern guy again. as i'm looking at something, these two gangsta type black guys are checking me out. one of them is like hey you wanna come hang with us. and somehow i know he wants more than to hang out. but i'm all up for that because they are both hot as shit. i ask them if they will take me to the clubhouse thing. so i make the little boy go back to his family.
i proceed to get in a car with these two gangstas. we talk about weird shit and sexual shit of course and drive through the hood and keep driving forever even though they are only taking me back to the front of the mall where i asked to go. by this time, i know i need to get back to my dad bob dylan before bitch does. i actually really wanted to "hang" with this one guy. i give him my number and tell him to meet up with me later. i get out of the car near this fountain thing and i'm like damn, how did i get lost? all these people see me. and i'm like yes. my dad bob dylan has made me mad so maybe this will get him back. and then i'm like- he's been cheating, so he can't be mad at anything i do. and i'm all excited cause i'll get to hang with these dudes again.
and then i wake up.
i seriously think i was in a parallel dimension. i want to go back.
bob dylan is my father. he is like 40 maybe. well we spend our time in this clubhouse type thing that you would see on a pbs show as a teenage hangout. there are always a massive amount of people chilling in there btw. well my mother, who is a lady that is exotic, yet homely.(if you can imagine that) she goes to africa or singapore or something to help needy kids.
my dad bob dylan is cheating on my mom with some bitch. i love my dad bob dylan, but he infuriates me because i'm like come on. mom is helping needy children and you can't keep it in your pants? (a side note: my dad bob dylan is just like i imagine bob dylan to truly be. very quiet. doesn't speak too much. spends time in his room alone. kind of like my dad i guess.) i confront my dad bob dylan but the bitch is with him and i can tell he doesn't really like her but she won't shut up. i get mad that he won't stand up for himself and is siding with her so i decide to leave and somewhere in this process mom comes back.
then i'm in this hotel suite thing making drinks for people i met at the NEED trip and random other people who i've never seen before. and i conversate for a while and then decide i must stop lallygagging and head home because i've got to work out the situation with my cheating dad bob dylan.(i never get mad at him btw because he seems so fragile and so childish like he doesn't know he's done something wrong.)
so then i'm at my real life house and i know that the bitch dad's been cheating with is over at the trailer. so i head over there to cuss her out. my oblivious mother is along too. so, i go in there and start cussing the bitch out and getting very fired up. i finally decide to just go talk to my dad bob dylan because i know that i can turn him around if the bitch isn't around. so i leave mom and the bitch and the random other people who are always around in the trailer.(mom has no personality. she is just there. bitch and her don't even fight. lol)
somehow i end up at an enormous mall that our clubhouse is attached to evidently. i'm walking with this lady and her two kids inside the mall because for some reason i'm in no hurry and i need to go to cvs for some hairspray or shit. well we pass the cvs. i go in and this little middle eastern guy is there all friendly and whatnot. so i buy what i need and go out. i tell the lady and her kids goodbye and head off to talk to my dad bob dylan. somehow i get lost and i meet up again with this lady and her kids. on the escalators, the little girl hurts her achilles tendon and it is bleeding so me and the little boy go back to the cvs. we get some medical aid shit and talk to the middle eastern guy again. as i'm looking at something, these two gangsta type black guys are checking me out. one of them is like hey you wanna come hang with us. and somehow i know he wants more than to hang out. but i'm all up for that because they are both hot as shit. i ask them if they will take me to the clubhouse thing. so i make the little boy go back to his family.
i proceed to get in a car with these two gangstas. we talk about weird shit and sexual shit of course and drive through the hood and keep driving forever even though they are only taking me back to the front of the mall where i asked to go. by this time, i know i need to get back to my dad bob dylan before bitch does. i actually really wanted to "hang" with this one guy. i give him my number and tell him to meet up with me later. i get out of the car near this fountain thing and i'm like damn, how did i get lost? all these people see me. and i'm like yes. my dad bob dylan has made me mad so maybe this will get him back. and then i'm like- he's been cheating, so he can't be mad at anything i do. and i'm all excited cause i'll get to hang with these dudes again.
and then i wake up.
i seriously think i was in a parallel dimension. i want to go back.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
all of the people beneath your feet you'll never speak to and never meet. all of the dark they each will go.
my recent excursion has prompted the rapid flow of thoughts to enter my brain. i feel i will never become even remotely satisfied ever again. i must poke, prod, and dissect until the makeup of even the smallest particles is no longer in question. i believe in destiny, fate, whatever you may choose to label it as. i do not call them mere coincidences. yes, you could say that myself and the people that i feel destined to connect to find each other because we have something in common that links us. but without destiny, i ask you...why would we have something in common to begin with? it tends to be that people whose encounters i cherish are those who will only briefly recall me, if even at all. i reflect back upon my last shawn harris meeting. there was a different level of connection i discussed to the best of my ability in a previous blog. i was not the only one to notice either-there are still no words to describe that feeling. i can't help but believe that destiny ensured i meet him at that moment for whatever reason, but something that powerful seems unlikely to be controlled by a spontaneous decision. it was meant to be. it will probably never happen again-and if it does i will be elevated to a whole new level of happiness i never knew existed. i may sound obsessive, but remind you...shawn harris is my hero, my idol. think of your most beloved idol-take that to the utmost degree you can fathom. now imagine you feeling a connection with this person. imagine others noticing without you saying a word. do you understand now? have you ever reflected and felt certain emotions towards someone you can't even begin to label? sometimes that feeling of connectivity is instantaneous and at others it is the kind of feeling you can reflect upon to find. i met a boy on my trip that was one of the first people i got to know. he was very confusing, and as you know, there is nothing i hate more than not being able to decipher someone. looking back, i feel i faulted, messed up, slipped and fell to my demise. there was something about him. i can't put it into words and i don't know if anyone who reads this will understand-but he reached me on a whole new level. it isn't a crush thing (not to say that isn't there also) but there's more to it. like i'm so intrigued by him for a reason. and only time will tell how he has affected my destiny- for some reason i have this idea in my head that won't shake itself free. i refrain from speaking too soon. perhaps fate will once again act for me and bring us together to help me better understand. you may say i over analyze and take things too far. but we all have to believe in something. like some people with ghosts- perhaps you have to have had and experience to believe...and i am experienced. for now i feel lost and empty. i don't feel i can look at thinsg the same as before. it started with mr. harris. i'm only stating my feelings (if they sound crazy-take my words for late night babbling). ever since then, i feel like more of myself. i feel like i have found me to the utmost degree. and after this weekend, i don't know what will happen-it seems too soon to tell., but i have no doubt that the effects will be readily seen when i'm least expecting them. now wasn't this better than the account of my weekend i had planned? to leave you with a funny light hearted note i will tell an account of a conversation. myself, jimmy(black), ricardo (half black? although he's black by his standards). jimmy says"so you like black?" i obviously took it the wrong way as did ricardo. we exchanged a look and then jimmy was like"well you have all that eyeliner"... it got a laugh from noel. and if i can make noel giggle, you better be giggling, damn it.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
if you love me...won't you let me know?
so... to refer back to a vignette i once wrote...it doesn't get any better.
after an amazing recital, i will reflect back on a little secret. perhaps you will interpret is as minuscule in importance or complete nonsense, but for whatever reason it affected me and for that reason and that reason alone, i have chosen to acknowledge it here. i had brought along my locket with iboo's pictures, for obvious reasons and not so obvious reasons i suppose. well, saturday night, as we stand backstage ready to go on for our first dance i realize i had paid no mind to it since i had left walmart to head to the school. as we all know from my previous blog entry, saturday's performance was not anywhere close to the expectations i had set for myself. sunday, i did pay attention to my little locket and the performance was what i dreamt it would be. as i reflected back in my restless state, i came to the realization that my locket had played an integral part in my success. we all have our beliefs- this is mine. i will never forget who i am doing this for and i will never forget how i got here.
as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. and my, did it pour.
i did not got to school on monday
1) i was walking like a hobo when i awoke
2) my calves were and are killing me when i squat
3) i was physically and mentally drained(an odd but intriguing feeling)
4) i have weird stretch mark-esque things on my upper left thigh that hurt to the touch
anyway, that night i attended an awards ceremony for the anne spencer poetry contest in which i was a finalist along with 2 of my friends. ms. frazer was also in attendance. well, i did not know what poem had been submitted- eyeliner or she was:the one about my grandmother. well, it was the latter and we had to read them. i was fine until the second line. and then i couldn't help it. i burst into tears( and i don't cry in front of people). what the fuck? it urned to the guy and informed him promptly that i was sorry but i couldn't read it. ms. frazer saved the day and did it for me. i didn't win but i was in the top twelve and received honorable mention. another one of the finalists poem's was entitled iris-ironic much? what do they expect em to do when shoving this all in my face at once? i mean come on...
but to the good news, as we stood there before the ceremony, frazer fraze informed me that i will be next year's co literary editor for collage with one of the other finalists. i was ecstatic in ways i can't even explain. an amazing recital and an amazing position. when it rains, it pours, i'm telling you.
after an amazing recital, i will reflect back on a little secret. perhaps you will interpret is as minuscule in importance or complete nonsense, but for whatever reason it affected me and for that reason and that reason alone, i have chosen to acknowledge it here. i had brought along my locket with iboo's pictures, for obvious reasons and not so obvious reasons i suppose. well, saturday night, as we stand backstage ready to go on for our first dance i realize i had paid no mind to it since i had left walmart to head to the school. as we all know from my previous blog entry, saturday's performance was not anywhere close to the expectations i had set for myself. sunday, i did pay attention to my little locket and the performance was what i dreamt it would be. as i reflected back in my restless state, i came to the realization that my locket had played an integral part in my success. we all have our beliefs- this is mine. i will never forget who i am doing this for and i will never forget how i got here.
as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. and my, did it pour.
i did not got to school on monday
1) i was walking like a hobo when i awoke
2) my calves were and are killing me when i squat
3) i was physically and mentally drained(an odd but intriguing feeling)
4) i have weird stretch mark-esque things on my upper left thigh that hurt to the touch
anyway, that night i attended an awards ceremony for the anne spencer poetry contest in which i was a finalist along with 2 of my friends. ms. frazer was also in attendance. well, i did not know what poem had been submitted- eyeliner or she was:the one about my grandmother. well, it was the latter and we had to read them. i was fine until the second line. and then i couldn't help it. i burst into tears( and i don't cry in front of people). what the fuck? it urned to the guy and informed him promptly that i was sorry but i couldn't read it. ms. frazer saved the day and did it for me. i didn't win but i was in the top twelve and received honorable mention. another one of the finalists poem's was entitled iris-ironic much? what do they expect em to do when shoving this all in my face at once? i mean come on...
but to the good news, as we stood there before the ceremony, frazer fraze informed me that i will be next year's co literary editor for collage with one of the other finalists. i was ecstatic in ways i can't even explain. an amazing recital and an amazing position. when it rains, it pours, i'm telling you.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
come on and show me what you got...
so a year of hard work has come and gone. for those of you who don't already know my yearly dance recitals concluded tonight. the first was last night and then we had our second tonight.
friday night was very eventful...a complete different story, perhaps to be revealed at a later time. and i slept a very restless night indeed. i got up fairly early to get ready for rehearsal and spent most of the day at the school. rehearsals were okay. my basket of rose petals for my modern dance was left at the studio so i had an imaginary basket.
so recital was at 7. i got back at the school around 5:30 to get my hair done and such. recital did not go as well as i wished it would have. i was pretty down. i messed up and had wardrobe malfunctions( headpiece falling off in acro. number). everyone assured me i had done fine, you couldn't tell. but that doesn't matter, i hadn't done my best and that killed me. i knew that i would be devastated if sunday wasn't flawless. my parents were there along with my two uncles, aunt, and grandma. i got flowers. yay. chrissy was there. i lover her so much. she is so supportive. and guess who actually showed up- andy. yes my best friend actually came-and didn't fall asleep. we went out to eat afterwards with some other friends. it was fun.
so i slept even more restlessly saturday night. there was so much on the line for tonight. so ballet number comes and goes fairly well. jazz goes wonderfully. ensemble with brad was amazing. modern was beautiful(except i realized ten minutes later i had forgotten my arm bands...but whatever i come out separately....so take that). as the curtains closed, i thought to myself yes i'm on the right path. acrobatics dance was beautiful- no malfunctions. curtains close for act two. one more to go. tap dance was successful. i walked off stage ecstatic. sunday was as flawless as it could have been. i had redeemed myself. i did it.
so i'm bruised in weird places. i'm drained physically and mentally. i'm walking like a hobo because my calves are killing me. i have weird stretch mark-esque things on my upper left thigh. i put my whole heart and soul into this.
and as next year's dance season is about to start-hello pointe...here i come! i realize that i have so much more to give. i am growing. this is possible. this is me bitches. this is it for me. never have i been so nervous. never have i felt so successful. never have i had the adrenaline rush (except when i meet shawn harris and especially that last encounter of connectivity) but anyway. here i am. i can do this now. i should have learned my lesson about doubt from reading sidney poitier's book. but i am only human. i doubled my dances from last year and i have learned so much. not just about dance, but also myself. i can not wait for the next recital...i want to learn so much more. it's time to raise my standards.
"may your organs fail before your dreams fail you..." little maggots by the matches
friday night was very eventful...a complete different story, perhaps to be revealed at a later time. and i slept a very restless night indeed. i got up fairly early to get ready for rehearsal and spent most of the day at the school. rehearsals were okay. my basket of rose petals for my modern dance was left at the studio so i had an imaginary basket.
so recital was at 7. i got back at the school around 5:30 to get my hair done and such. recital did not go as well as i wished it would have. i was pretty down. i messed up and had wardrobe malfunctions( headpiece falling off in acro. number). everyone assured me i had done fine, you couldn't tell. but that doesn't matter, i hadn't done my best and that killed me. i knew that i would be devastated if sunday wasn't flawless. my parents were there along with my two uncles, aunt, and grandma. i got flowers. yay. chrissy was there. i lover her so much. she is so supportive. and guess who actually showed up- andy. yes my best friend actually came-and didn't fall asleep. we went out to eat afterwards with some other friends. it was fun.
so i slept even more restlessly saturday night. there was so much on the line for tonight. so ballet number comes and goes fairly well. jazz goes wonderfully. ensemble with brad was amazing. modern was beautiful(except i realized ten minutes later i had forgotten my arm bands...but whatever i come out separately....so take that). as the curtains closed, i thought to myself yes i'm on the right path. acrobatics dance was beautiful- no malfunctions. curtains close for act two. one more to go. tap dance was successful. i walked off stage ecstatic. sunday was as flawless as it could have been. i had redeemed myself. i did it.
so i'm bruised in weird places. i'm drained physically and mentally. i'm walking like a hobo because my calves are killing me. i have weird stretch mark-esque things on my upper left thigh. i put my whole heart and soul into this.
and as next year's dance season is about to start-hello pointe...here i come! i realize that i have so much more to give. i am growing. this is possible. this is me bitches. this is it for me. never have i been so nervous. never have i felt so successful. never have i had the adrenaline rush (except when i meet shawn harris and especially that last encounter of connectivity) but anyway. here i am. i can do this now. i should have learned my lesson about doubt from reading sidney poitier's book. but i am only human. i doubled my dances from last year and i have learned so much. not just about dance, but also myself. i can not wait for the next recital...i want to learn so much more. it's time to raise my standards.
"may your organs fail before your dreams fail you..." little maggots by the matches
Friday, May 30, 2008
Give me a head... i mean a hug!
As one anxiously awaits the rise of the curtains, a revelation produces itself as bright as the stage lights. For the moments of the most importance are within fingers' reach. This is the time to excel or fail and one only discovers the outcome when standing delicately balanced for the world to see. These coming moments are created by the soul, ready to release itself after years of careful preparation. One channels all hope into he chance to gain wings and soar into the heavens among the stars. Nothing feels out of reach, but yet the demon called Doubt eats itself into the depths of one's being. The thoughts of failure refuse to relinquish themselves. It is the one chance and butterflies do somersaults in one's stomach. All eyes are focused on one's being and in those eyes can be seen a dream-reflected.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
all the stars and boulevards ain't close enough for you...
last night was thrilling. not just the sleep deprivation part either. sometimes things just feel like they click. these are the kind of moments i'm bound to remember for the rest of my restless life. last night was one of those moments. a night of epiphanies if you will.
there is a brother of two of my dance friends name patrick who I always tease and call hot stuff and whatnot. last night after dance I was walking out and he had an adorable little friend with him. the kid whistled at me. i looked back and kept walking. i mean come on he's like ten.
well anyway, at relay Patrick and his friend stopped by for a little while. along with Patrick's mom, sisters, naomi and the reece girls. all the little ones were so excited to see me and it felt great. i walked around the track with my arms around patrick and his friend. patrick didn't want to go home. i love kids. they always brighten my day.
bella was there the whole night. she ended up falling asleep about midnight, but it was fun because she is so darn sweet and i adore her.
i really felt like chrissy and i bonded a good amount last night. i think we kind of needed that. i love her to death and it's cool to have her back as my bff. me and jordy were good last night also. i love when that happens.
and there's this guy i kind of like now. i've been slightly crushing on him for a while, but last night just magnified it all. it's stupid, i know. he graduates in three weeks. and i've never felt i had a chance with him anyway. i hung out with him most of the night last night and kind of got to know him. the more i get to know the more i start to like him. i just wish it would have all happened sooner... he is hilarious. i think i laughed more last night than i have in weeks thanks to him. he is a sweet guy who doesn't drink or smoke or any of that crap and i really respect that. he doesn't cuss either. i was like wow. he's super sweet and attractive. i walked a few laps with him by myself and that was really cool. one time he said something about how i should hang out with him at his house tomorrow and i didn't know if he was serious or not. maybe we will get a chance to hang out sometime. anyway...then for a few hours me and him and jordy and chrissy chilled. i want a sweet, good guy like him...or him preferably. but i'm realistic. damn. i wish i didn't have to be.
i'm trying to get over a certain guy btw. i am split over whether i should or not. i don't want to, but it seems like the best thing to do. last night helped a little i do believe.
to sum it all up... i feel i learned a lot about myself last night. i feel comfortable again.
there is a brother of two of my dance friends name patrick who I always tease and call hot stuff and whatnot. last night after dance I was walking out and he had an adorable little friend with him. the kid whistled at me. i looked back and kept walking. i mean come on he's like ten.
well anyway, at relay Patrick and his friend stopped by for a little while. along with Patrick's mom, sisters, naomi and the reece girls. all the little ones were so excited to see me and it felt great. i walked around the track with my arms around patrick and his friend. patrick didn't want to go home. i love kids. they always brighten my day.
bella was there the whole night. she ended up falling asleep about midnight, but it was fun because she is so darn sweet and i adore her.
i really felt like chrissy and i bonded a good amount last night. i think we kind of needed that. i love her to death and it's cool to have her back as my bff. me and jordy were good last night also. i love when that happens.
and there's this guy i kind of like now. i've been slightly crushing on him for a while, but last night just magnified it all. it's stupid, i know. he graduates in three weeks. and i've never felt i had a chance with him anyway. i hung out with him most of the night last night and kind of got to know him. the more i get to know the more i start to like him. i just wish it would have all happened sooner... he is hilarious. i think i laughed more last night than i have in weeks thanks to him. he is a sweet guy who doesn't drink or smoke or any of that crap and i really respect that. he doesn't cuss either. i was like wow. he's super sweet and attractive. i walked a few laps with him by myself and that was really cool. one time he said something about how i should hang out with him at his house tomorrow and i didn't know if he was serious or not. maybe we will get a chance to hang out sometime. anyway...then for a few hours me and him and jordy and chrissy chilled. i want a sweet, good guy like him...or him preferably. but i'm realistic. damn. i wish i didn't have to be.
i'm trying to get over a certain guy btw. i am split over whether i should or not. i don't want to, but it seems like the best thing to do. last night helped a little i do believe.
to sum it all up... i feel i learned a lot about myself last night. i feel comfortable again.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
can i hear three cheers for me?
excuse me for saying...congratulations are in order. i have been invited to begin pointe!!! for that past few months i have been wishing i could begin pointe. i had come to the conclusion it just wasn't going to happen this year...but it has. i could not be more excited.
i am one step closer to being that prima ballerina. i get to start over the summer. another reason to add to the list as to why this summer will be the best. i know it will take dedication. it's going to be intense...but that's what i like. pain will probably play a big part too. but pain is a fleeting feeling....the feeling of accomplishment lasts forever. in a sick way, i'm looking forward to pain. yay. self mutilation. okay just kidding on the self mutilation thing.
every day it seems more possible, more in my reach to become that prima ballerina. i will settle for no less at this point. i'm going to make it.
if you would have suggested the idea 5 years ago, i would have laughed in your face, but i'm here. i can do this. this is me. this is my life now. i can't live it any other way. every accomplishment, no matter how small, makes my dream all the more reality. but i mean come on, pointe.... that's professional. i'll save all my feelings about pointe until i begin. right now i just want to feel this overwhelming feeling that can't be described. i love it.
"we know that we are more than this. more than we know, there's a reason we exist. we know we won't be this easily dismissed." ---the matches: point me toward the morning
i am one step closer to being that prima ballerina. i get to start over the summer. another reason to add to the list as to why this summer will be the best. i know it will take dedication. it's going to be intense...but that's what i like. pain will probably play a big part too. but pain is a fleeting feeling....the feeling of accomplishment lasts forever. in a sick way, i'm looking forward to pain. yay. self mutilation. okay just kidding on the self mutilation thing.
every day it seems more possible, more in my reach to become that prima ballerina. i will settle for no less at this point. i'm going to make it.
if you would have suggested the idea 5 years ago, i would have laughed in your face, but i'm here. i can do this. this is me. this is my life now. i can't live it any other way. every accomplishment, no matter how small, makes my dream all the more reality. but i mean come on, pointe.... that's professional. i'll save all my feelings about pointe until i begin. right now i just want to feel this overwhelming feeling that can't be described. i love it.
"we know that we are more than this. more than we know, there's a reason we exist. we know we won't be this easily dismissed." ---the matches: point me toward the morning
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
i ain't giving up quite yet, i've got too much to lose...
today i came in contact again with someone who intrigues me...
he won't read this so i feel okay using his name. for all intents and purposes it will make it easier. his name is hunter and his mom and my mom used to work together and were friends. they became pregnant around the same time with us. and so it goes...
her name is anne. well i met anne when i was in sixth grade i do believe. she was working at the clinic thing where i was getting my shots and i can remember instantly liking her. she was a real doll.
anyway. rewind a few months to governor's school time. my mom pulls up at about 6:40 in the stanton river parking lot and looks over and spots anne. it took a little while for me to recall her. well, hunter was a little gov school geek too. he started in ninth grade for the record. so our moms were yapping and we were thus introduced.
spending around two hours a day with this kid each day.... he is a very quiet one. i liked him off the bat though. he just has that quality. he's real shy but he would laugh along to evan's jokes and talk a little. i always thought he was uber sweet. secretly i kind of wished he'd open up and we could ummm chill?
anyway, today we're at the court house getting my license.... who walks in? hunter and his mom. his mom and my mom sat beside each other and chatted like teenagers. (btw they're was a smoking hot kid who caught my attention as he walked in... punk haircut and a blue suitjacket. damn i'm not even going to tell you what i want to do to that kid. lol) anyway, afterwards we all walked out together. i think i heard hunter say more words in 5 minutes than i had heard of him in two months. he seemed less shy i guess. he looked more like mature or something too. i couldn't help but to have a little crush on the kid. he so fucking innocent and adorable. not my type, but hey... the way things have been going lately i'm ready to have a stupid high school relationship with a sweet person. i mean hell, out parents are already friends.
when we got in the car my mom said anne had made the comment that we keep crossing paths. she said me and hunter needed to get married so that her and mom could sit together in church too.
i can't help but to believe crossing paths does mean something.... i love things like this....
he won't read this so i feel okay using his name. for all intents and purposes it will make it easier. his name is hunter and his mom and my mom used to work together and were friends. they became pregnant around the same time with us. and so it goes...
her name is anne. well i met anne when i was in sixth grade i do believe. she was working at the clinic thing where i was getting my shots and i can remember instantly liking her. she was a real doll.
anyway. rewind a few months to governor's school time. my mom pulls up at about 6:40 in the stanton river parking lot and looks over and spots anne. it took a little while for me to recall her. well, hunter was a little gov school geek too. he started in ninth grade for the record. so our moms were yapping and we were thus introduced.
spending around two hours a day with this kid each day.... he is a very quiet one. i liked him off the bat though. he just has that quality. he's real shy but he would laugh along to evan's jokes and talk a little. i always thought he was uber sweet. secretly i kind of wished he'd open up and we could ummm chill?
anyway, today we're at the court house getting my license.... who walks in? hunter and his mom. his mom and my mom sat beside each other and chatted like teenagers. (btw they're was a smoking hot kid who caught my attention as he walked in... punk haircut and a blue suitjacket. damn i'm not even going to tell you what i want to do to that kid. lol) anyway, afterwards we all walked out together. i think i heard hunter say more words in 5 minutes than i had heard of him in two months. he seemed less shy i guess. he looked more like mature or something too. i couldn't help but to have a little crush on the kid. he so fucking innocent and adorable. not my type, but hey... the way things have been going lately i'm ready to have a stupid high school relationship with a sweet person. i mean hell, out parents are already friends.
when we got in the car my mom said anne had made the comment that we keep crossing paths. she said me and hunter needed to get married so that her and mom could sit together in church too.
i can't help but to believe crossing paths does mean something.... i love things like this....
Sunday, May 4, 2008
insane and rising in my own weird way...
okay so i'm back to random posts for the moment. babble ramble babble ramble. that's me. so have you ever thought about how much things influence you when you are really young? i can't recall what got me to thinking about this... well then. perhaps we have always liked the things we like now, and so the feeling was present when we were younger. or perhaps the things we are exposed to are the things we grow to like. i go with the first...
my first favorite band was matchbox twenty and my first favorite song i can remember was santa monica by everclear. i knew all the words. so first off i was always a sucker for lyrics. i was like two when this came out- i'm still a rocker.
i watched scooby doo religiously. i've always wanted a volkswagen van- for no particular reason, it just appealed to me. mystery machine influence?
one of my favorite shows when i was younger was tales from the crypt. i loved the crypt keeper-he was funny. i love horror movies. b movies especially are my weakness.
in living color. my parents watched this when i was little. every time i would get up and dance along with the fly girls. hmmmmm so i knew my calling a hell of a lot sooner than i realized...
bambi and fox and the hound. i've never seen more than the first five minutes of either. when i was smaller and fox and the hound came on i was so traumatized, i cried hysterically for so long that my parents took me outside and eventually took me to walmart to get me a toy to get my mind off of it. i'm a vegetarian now. i guess animal killing was never appealing. damn you hunters.
i'm sure there is more. but i'm done for now.
my first favorite band was matchbox twenty and my first favorite song i can remember was santa monica by everclear. i knew all the words. so first off i was always a sucker for lyrics. i was like two when this came out- i'm still a rocker.
i watched scooby doo religiously. i've always wanted a volkswagen van- for no particular reason, it just appealed to me. mystery machine influence?
one of my favorite shows when i was younger was tales from the crypt. i loved the crypt keeper-he was funny. i love horror movies. b movies especially are my weakness.
in living color. my parents watched this when i was little. every time i would get up and dance along with the fly girls. hmmmmm so i knew my calling a hell of a lot sooner than i realized...
bambi and fox and the hound. i've never seen more than the first five minutes of either. when i was smaller and fox and the hound came on i was so traumatized, i cried hysterically for so long that my parents took me outside and eventually took me to walmart to get me a toy to get my mind off of it. i'm a vegetarian now. i guess animal killing was never appealing. damn you hunters.
i'm sure there is more. but i'm done for now.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
when i fly solo, i fly so high...
this is a sestina. it is untitled as of now. if you don't know what a sestina is, go do your research.
i escape into the darkness of a matinee
accompanied by my lord legless
as i clutch my gift, a daisy,
colored the same golden hue as the tribal tattoo
he inked on his skin the dawn of our marriage
in honor of our suicidal raven.
my ears are invaded by the harsh notes of the raven
wielding me breathless with his impromptu matinee,
blinding me to my misfortune's marriage.
its mate is as much heartless as legless,
displaying as much affection as my nonexistent tattoo.
"he loves you not" reiterates the daisy.
i savagely rip the petals from the daisy,
my crime witnessed only by the intrusive raven
who pecks at my skin, leaving a gruesome tattoo.
"a slaying is not proper for your puppet show matinee."
my shame renders me legless,
the same sensation first tasted on the verge of my marriage.
i too often confuse this mirage with marriage,
but i avoid the light for fear i will wither like a daisy,
lose my stem, and become legless-
unable to flee from the wrath of the raven
who takes my life as seriously as a midnight matinee,
ensuring my dismay remains as permanent as a tattoo.
i reveal my scars with as much esteem as i would a tattoo.
my mascara tears run like ink at the thought of marriage
for i fear the quick demise of our love story matinee.
i ponder our future in my naive manner, plucking a daisy,
and tossing it into the air to be caught by the raven.
immersed in bliss, i float along, purely legless.
i awake from my daydream, anything but legless,
your image imprinted into my mind like a tattoo,
but yet again i am interrupted by that damned raven
who craves attention as much as i crave a marriage
as idyllic and impeccable as your precious daisy
i so lovingly received in the waning moments of the matinee.
dismiss the melancholy raven, he knows not of our happy marriage.
my dear prince, let us remain as legless as your portrait tattoo,
as delicate as the daisy the moment you proposed in the dark matinee.
i escape into the darkness of a matinee
accompanied by my lord legless
as i clutch my gift, a daisy,
colored the same golden hue as the tribal tattoo
he inked on his skin the dawn of our marriage
in honor of our suicidal raven.
my ears are invaded by the harsh notes of the raven
wielding me breathless with his impromptu matinee,
blinding me to my misfortune's marriage.
its mate is as much heartless as legless,
displaying as much affection as my nonexistent tattoo.
"he loves you not" reiterates the daisy.
i savagely rip the petals from the daisy,
my crime witnessed only by the intrusive raven
who pecks at my skin, leaving a gruesome tattoo.
"a slaying is not proper for your puppet show matinee."
my shame renders me legless,
the same sensation first tasted on the verge of my marriage.
i too often confuse this mirage with marriage,
but i avoid the light for fear i will wither like a daisy,
lose my stem, and become legless-
unable to flee from the wrath of the raven
who takes my life as seriously as a midnight matinee,
ensuring my dismay remains as permanent as a tattoo.
i reveal my scars with as much esteem as i would a tattoo.
my mascara tears run like ink at the thought of marriage
for i fear the quick demise of our love story matinee.
i ponder our future in my naive manner, plucking a daisy,
and tossing it into the air to be caught by the raven.
immersed in bliss, i float along, purely legless.
i awake from my daydream, anything but legless,
your image imprinted into my mind like a tattoo,
but yet again i am interrupted by that damned raven
who craves attention as much as i crave a marriage
as idyllic and impeccable as your precious daisy
i so lovingly received in the waning moments of the matinee.
dismiss the melancholy raven, he knows not of our happy marriage.
my dear prince, let us remain as legless as your portrait tattoo,
as delicate as the daisy the moment you proposed in the dark matinee.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
daydream...i dream of you amid the flowers for a couple of hours...
so i took a nap today and had a very odd dream. i seriously don't even know, but it was so wack. maybe it is a subconscious desire... anyway so i'll refer to the guy as W for weird. this was weird. so.... me and W weren't in a relationship or anything i don't think-but there was something there-so maybe we were...anyway i don't remember the beginning of the dream but eventually me and W are at this little bed thing-nothing bad happened don't worry. i end up changing into this blue silk dress and somehow he ends up in boxers and we just cuddle under a blanket and its the sweetest feeling ever. and mr thompson shows up and is just looking at us. lol but anyway when i woke up i started thinking about it and honestly if i could have that feeling with anyone right now it would be him. i think i would have liked him at one point or maybe even now if i thought i could stop being a bitch in relationships. but mostly i can't like him because we're so different and i think if i could ever get him to like me that way he wouldnt do anything about it because we ummm don't match. sometimes i think he could, but what do i know? im not going to say anymore because then you might figure out who it is. i doubt you will but whatever. lol i wish i could feel that way with someone...especially him..but oh well.
Friday, April 18, 2008
feel the dead weight of a shadow approach...
she was the oriental china
that told of ancestors past,
strong as the wind
against her delicate lace hat, dainty,
desiring to create more
than cubicle papers that get crammed away
and forgotten in file cabinets
she was the inspiration
that provides a continuous push
as vital as the heart
who continually pushes my blood
she is days long forgotten,
yet instilled in my cranium
like the first step,
the first smile,
the first word uttered from lips, delicate,
like the porcelain china
with roses the color of her lips
which whispered the only words
that seem to matter,
like the porcelain china
as white as a picket fence,
as fragile as death,
as life, she was.
i do believe i have acquired some ainsley burrows inspiration...
that told of ancestors past,
strong as the wind
against her delicate lace hat, dainty,
desiring to create more
than cubicle papers that get crammed away
and forgotten in file cabinets
she was the inspiration
that provides a continuous push
as vital as the heart
who continually pushes my blood
she is days long forgotten,
yet instilled in my cranium
like the first step,
the first smile,
the first word uttered from lips, delicate,
like the porcelain china
with roses the color of her lips
which whispered the only words
that seem to matter,
like the porcelain china
as white as a picket fence,
as fragile as death,
as life, she was.
i do believe i have acquired some ainsley burrows inspiration...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
all the lights go green. for my lord legless and me, the sacred rose queen...
last night was too fantastic to put into words. we ended up getting second row. the crowd was horrid. the matches did a stellar set. played old school-chain me free. and songs off of decomposer also. no accoustic set afterwards. i did meet jon, matt whalen, and shawn. no justin. but shawn harris. where do i begin...shawn was wearing a bob dylan shirt. ironic because i had been singing blowin in the wind on the ride down. and his shoes were very much like my own. when he was signing chrissy's shirt he looked at me like expecting me to come for a picture or autograph. and i was like you have to take a pic with my bff before i can bestow my love upon you. i was like where is this language coming from? shawn harris must have that effect on me. he looked at my shirt and said he loved it. and gave the thumbs up. i was more than happy. i told him i loved his shirt. and commented on his shoes. he asked where i got mine and i told him they were old school-used to be my moms. i told him how much i loved his music and to keep making it because we can't live without it. then we asked if justin would be coming out and he said no he was working on an art project. i told shawn to be sure to send him our warm regards and tell him how amazing he is. shawn was like okay. i say that to him everyday anyway.
this whole time it was odd. there was a connection that hadn't been there before. i felt less like a fan and more like a friend. it is hard to describe but i felt like he was looking at me as a real person and not just a fan. but i didn't say anything because i thought perhaps i was over analyzing.
today chrissy said something to me about how shawn was looking at me like he was checking me out or soemthing. she was like maybe he recognized you from before. and then was like seriosuly he looked at everyone else like they were crazy and maybe he felt like you and him connected. and then mom said something along the same lines and was like perhaps he knew you two were kindred spirits.
so it wasn't just me that noticed. i've never been so excited after meeting shawn harris. i'm not goin to tell anyone else because they will think im psycho, but it happened. i will spend my entire life trying to figure out what exactly that vibe was last night. i shall cherish it for it was one of those experiences that won't allow itself to be forgotten.
sweating in the dark we feed on the forms in the light; on the floor we're the flood...
my recent shawn harris encounter inspired me to dig up this vignette written last year. it is still one of my favorite pieces. amusez-vous bien...
mr. shawn harris
shawn harris is the guy with eyes like drugs and lips the color of bubble gum. the girls at his concerts think he's handsome because his face is chiseled strong like that of a flawless statue and when he sings, he flashes his gleaming teeth like a beacon drawing the audience towards him and sings.
parents say to be this captivating is dangerous. they don't want their precious kiddies to die their hair black. they don't want their children jamming on instruments in the garage. they read the newspaper articles that warn how dangerous this new generation has proven themselves to be and are worried. that's why they don't like these young musician role models. shawn harris i mean.
mr. harris, who taught you to play your guitar like slash? and if i position the guitar's strap over my shoulder and grab the neck with my left hand and hold my pick just right, will you teach me?
i like your violet coat and those shoes you wear, where did you get them? my parents say idolizing someone so is unhealthy, but i want to make shoes just liek yours, like your white ones with the rhinestones, just like those. and one day, when i'm at a concert, maybe this summer, i'm going to ask you where to buy a violet coat like the one you have.
the record companies, who wouldn't sign your band to their labels, back before when your band was called the locals, back before when you were a teenager just following a dream and trying to make it in this crazy world and all those people were waiting for you to give up and you didn't, you didn't, mr. harris, and since then, your band changed their name to the matches and signed to epitaph records and has put out three albums and headlined tours. those big name record company executives spend sleepless nights knowing they lost out on something extraordinary.
the rumors that are spread to the naive older generations, they're not true. you sing every song as if it was your last, as if no one would have the pleasure of hearing the sweet notes again, mr. harris. what do you think of when you perform like that? and why do you seem to encompass the talent of connection better than any other performer? after the show, when you make your way off of the stage and into the crowd, you still draw an audience. you thank your fans; you are a gracious host. you don't become conceited, mr. harris. you smile at your admirers as you take pictures and sign autographs, enveloping yourself farther into a crowd that loses itself in your every word.
mr. harris, do you sometimes wish you could disappear? do you wish your tour van would drive into the middle of nowhere far away from all the stages, far away and maybe your tour van would stop in front of a cottage, a samll one with a king size bed and a full sized refrigerator and a staircase that would lead to a room meant just for you. and if you opened a little window latch and gave it a nudge, the window would flap open, all the endless sky would fill the room. there'd be no set list instructing you on what to play each night, no house lights and microphones, no fans and autographs and photos. only space and more space and plenty of clean clothes. and you could relax, mr. harris. you could go to sleep and wake up and never have to think who likes and doesn't liek your music. you could sing your lungs out and you wouldn't have to worry about what people said because you never cared anyway and nobody could make you worry and nobody would think you're crazy because you like to laugh and laugh. and no one could criticize you if they heard you at the crack of dawn belting notes, belting notes along with the crows without someone judging you, without somebody saying you aren't good enough, without the whole industry waiting for you to fail when all you want, all you want, mr. harris, is to achieve and to achieve and to achieve and to achieve, and no one can call that wrong.
mr. shawn harris
shawn harris is the guy with eyes like drugs and lips the color of bubble gum. the girls at his concerts think he's handsome because his face is chiseled strong like that of a flawless statue and when he sings, he flashes his gleaming teeth like a beacon drawing the audience towards him and sings.
parents say to be this captivating is dangerous. they don't want their precious kiddies to die their hair black. they don't want their children jamming on instruments in the garage. they read the newspaper articles that warn how dangerous this new generation has proven themselves to be and are worried. that's why they don't like these young musician role models. shawn harris i mean.
mr. harris, who taught you to play your guitar like slash? and if i position the guitar's strap over my shoulder and grab the neck with my left hand and hold my pick just right, will you teach me?
i like your violet coat and those shoes you wear, where did you get them? my parents say idolizing someone so is unhealthy, but i want to make shoes just liek yours, like your white ones with the rhinestones, just like those. and one day, when i'm at a concert, maybe this summer, i'm going to ask you where to buy a violet coat like the one you have.
the record companies, who wouldn't sign your band to their labels, back before when your band was called the locals, back before when you were a teenager just following a dream and trying to make it in this crazy world and all those people were waiting for you to give up and you didn't, you didn't, mr. harris, and since then, your band changed their name to the matches and signed to epitaph records and has put out three albums and headlined tours. those big name record company executives spend sleepless nights knowing they lost out on something extraordinary.
the rumors that are spread to the naive older generations, they're not true. you sing every song as if it was your last, as if no one would have the pleasure of hearing the sweet notes again, mr. harris. what do you think of when you perform like that? and why do you seem to encompass the talent of connection better than any other performer? after the show, when you make your way off of the stage and into the crowd, you still draw an audience. you thank your fans; you are a gracious host. you don't become conceited, mr. harris. you smile at your admirers as you take pictures and sign autographs, enveloping yourself farther into a crowd that loses itself in your every word.
mr. harris, do you sometimes wish you could disappear? do you wish your tour van would drive into the middle of nowhere far away from all the stages, far away and maybe your tour van would stop in front of a cottage, a samll one with a king size bed and a full sized refrigerator and a staircase that would lead to a room meant just for you. and if you opened a little window latch and gave it a nudge, the window would flap open, all the endless sky would fill the room. there'd be no set list instructing you on what to play each night, no house lights and microphones, no fans and autographs and photos. only space and more space and plenty of clean clothes. and you could relax, mr. harris. you could go to sleep and wake up and never have to think who likes and doesn't liek your music. you could sing your lungs out and you wouldn't have to worry about what people said because you never cared anyway and nobody could make you worry and nobody would think you're crazy because you like to laugh and laugh. and no one could criticize you if they heard you at the crack of dawn belting notes, belting notes along with the crows without someone judging you, without somebody saying you aren't good enough, without the whole industry waiting for you to fail when all you want, all you want, mr. harris, is to achieve and to achieve and to achieve and to achieve, and no one can call that wrong.
i'll fall asleep before i fall in love...
i may have discovered my favorite modern poet. his name is ainsley burrows. i bought his book entitled "black angels with sky blue feathers" last weekend and have read it a good twenty times since. i find his work more than fascinating and it was hard to choose one piece to put here to show to the world. i decided on one that was a bit risque. i hope you will enjoy it.
cataclysm
(the thought at the point of penetration)
you make me see cataclysms
and surrealism with my eyes closed tight
witness armageddon the fires of hell
and ten thousand heavens last night
i was dazed and half crazed
in this place where
sweet nectars drip
honey streams flow
and chocolate fingers slip
in and out of the mouth
of natures forbidden south
my flesh your nails tore
and i swore
i saw you levitate
your orifice and opiate
that make me want to overstate
how my mentals elevated
ny soul was consecrated
and ascended to a place
where few get to taste
the fumes of faith
watch silver suns set
and sip the effervesce
of a black bird's nest
men have found heaven
in between those hips
those full juicy lips
that make moons eclipse
in threes like ellipse
vice lose their grips
angels be pouting
mortal men shouting
christ walked on water
but i swam in your fountain
climbed your holy mountain
and if i come too soon
it's because i'm consumed
in the fruit of my doom
that which will bring me death
the thing i can forget
that make me question things be
is this a fix?
does god exist?
is he man or just a myth?
or is he really a she
who is really you?
cause girl that stew
will send a man to bellvue
you give me mind sicknesses
i need nine witnesses
to all types of mental spasms
if you were a computer chip
i'd be a cybergasm
if you were a beam of light
i i'd spread you like a prism
if you were a sound wave
my decibels would ride your rhythm
i would give 23 of my chromosomes
to be home alone with even your clone
your groove is like static
electromagnetic propulation
travels at the speed of light
and gives me regal convultions
and sensations
there has to be an explanation
and if so i want to know
are you an angel or a ufo
because you've got that
out of this world loving
that has this brotha bugging
i want to be the dough
that swells inside your oven
your glue is like a spell
cast from a witches coven
and that thick black sap
that's trapped beneath your skirt
oh how much is it worth
because it is the cure for cnacer
oh it is the answer
to all of my woes
i would forgive all my foes
and walk without clothes
simply to sniff it with my nose
you make me see
circular squares
and five sided triangles
statues that walk
and star shaped rectangles
birds that bark
and trees that float
strips of dna
and even japanese popes
i've even seen a mummy
in a bee colonly
searching for your loving
and he told me it was honey
and as strange as it may sound
the brother was on the money
brilliance...don't you agree? "i want to be the dough that swells inside your oven" who else could pull that off? kudos to ainsley burrows. go check this cat's work out.
cataclysm
(the thought at the point of penetration)
you make me see cataclysms
and surrealism with my eyes closed tight
witness armageddon the fires of hell
and ten thousand heavens last night
i was dazed and half crazed
in this place where
sweet nectars drip
honey streams flow
and chocolate fingers slip
in and out of the mouth
of natures forbidden south
my flesh your nails tore
and i swore
i saw you levitate
your orifice and opiate
that make me want to overstate
how my mentals elevated
ny soul was consecrated
and ascended to a place
where few get to taste
the fumes of faith
watch silver suns set
and sip the effervesce
of a black bird's nest
men have found heaven
in between those hips
those full juicy lips
that make moons eclipse
in threes like ellipse
vice lose their grips
angels be pouting
mortal men shouting
christ walked on water
but i swam in your fountain
climbed your holy mountain
and if i come too soon
it's because i'm consumed
in the fruit of my doom
that which will bring me death
the thing i can forget
that make me question things be
is this a fix?
does god exist?
is he man or just a myth?
or is he really a she
who is really you?
cause girl that stew
will send a man to bellvue
you give me mind sicknesses
i need nine witnesses
to all types of mental spasms
if you were a computer chip
i'd be a cybergasm
if you were a beam of light
i i'd spread you like a prism
if you were a sound wave
my decibels would ride your rhythm
i would give 23 of my chromosomes
to be home alone with even your clone
your groove is like static
electromagnetic propulation
travels at the speed of light
and gives me regal convultions
and sensations
there has to be an explanation
and if so i want to know
are you an angel or a ufo
because you've got that
out of this world loving
that has this brotha bugging
i want to be the dough
that swells inside your oven
your glue is like a spell
cast from a witches coven
and that thick black sap
that's trapped beneath your skirt
oh how much is it worth
because it is the cure for cnacer
oh it is the answer
to all of my woes
i would forgive all my foes
and walk without clothes
simply to sniff it with my nose
you make me see
circular squares
and five sided triangles
statues that walk
and star shaped rectangles
birds that bark
and trees that float
strips of dna
and even japanese popes
i've even seen a mummy
in a bee colonly
searching for your loving
and he told me it was honey
and as strange as it may sound
the brother was on the money
brilliance...don't you agree? "i want to be the dough that swells inside your oven" who else could pull that off? kudos to ainsley burrows. go check this cat's work out.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
sweet jesus...i swear that i love you....
grotesque drag queen/elderly smoker for life. i wave my white flag of defeat as you invade my vocal chords. perhaps i shall rest my head tonight and wake in the a.m. to find you gone. perhaps not. either way tomorrow is friday. four more days until i see my beloved boys of the matches. rambo o thinks it has been far to long since kissy chrissy has accompanied her on a magical escapade. restlessness runs through my veins. and call my psychic but i do believe i see an ihop in our future.
dance costumes came into being last night. purple flowing number for modern. blue, alice in wonderland-esque skirt number for ballet. so far i am very pleasantly surprised. of course anything was better than last year though. tomorrow i shall get my jasmine/genie costume for acrobatics. i think it will be my favorite. stunning. next tuesday i should get my tap and jazz costume. a flapper style polka doted number. too bad i'll be with my boys... some things are of more importance to me i suppose.
collage was to be complete today. i stayed over to help. don't know how much help a elderly smoker can be... i'm very excited about it. collage. not being an elderly smoker.
trying to make my way out of my self induced high school catastrophe. on a good note my bff andy is back. bye bye hoe. hello bro. (i'm the bro in this scenario) i love that kid. i might be too comfortable with him... doesn't make sense. but it does to me. hell, maybe if you know us it does make sense. who am i to say?
by the way i hate being sick. i'm too delicate. fragile. all those words. or something. i had the worse fever i've had since i can remember a few days ago. i was burning up and having chills at the same time. irony was running ramped throughout my breathing corpse. i felt like singing fever. it could have been my theme song.
i suppose i should hit the hay. on account of my being illin and all... sometimes i just need to ramble. babble.
"my lip gloss is poppin. my lip gloss is cool. all the boys keep jockin. and chase me after school.....what you know 'bout me? what you, what you know 'bout me? what you know 'bout me? what you, what you know?"
dance costumes came into being last night. purple flowing number for modern. blue, alice in wonderland-esque skirt number for ballet. so far i am very pleasantly surprised. of course anything was better than last year though. tomorrow i shall get my jasmine/genie costume for acrobatics. i think it will be my favorite. stunning. next tuesday i should get my tap and jazz costume. a flapper style polka doted number. too bad i'll be with my boys... some things are of more importance to me i suppose.
collage was to be complete today. i stayed over to help. don't know how much help a elderly smoker can be... i'm very excited about it. collage. not being an elderly smoker.
trying to make my way out of my self induced high school catastrophe. on a good note my bff andy is back. bye bye hoe. hello bro. (i'm the bro in this scenario) i love that kid. i might be too comfortable with him... doesn't make sense. but it does to me. hell, maybe if you know us it does make sense. who am i to say?
by the way i hate being sick. i'm too delicate. fragile. all those words. or something. i had the worse fever i've had since i can remember a few days ago. i was burning up and having chills at the same time. irony was running ramped throughout my breathing corpse. i felt like singing fever. it could have been my theme song.
i suppose i should hit the hay. on account of my being illin and all... sometimes i just need to ramble. babble.
"my lip gloss is poppin. my lip gloss is cool. all the boys keep jockin. and chase me after school.....what you know 'bout me? what you, what you know 'bout me? what you know 'bout me? what you, what you know?"
Friday, April 4, 2008
i can't explain the way i feel...and all i know tonight is that it's real
the say anything concert...i ended up taking my cuz with me. we got there about three hours before the doors opened and there were only three people in front of us in line waiting. we passed the time by giving names to all the people getting off of the tour buses. the guy i coined as my bff ended up being chris freeman from the band manchester orchestra. he is amazing. he brings sexy back to piano playing(and of course i love players of my instrument of choice.) me and my cuz went to the army surplus store down the street to look around...and guess who ends up coming in...chris. i got to get my pic with him after the show and tell him he was my new hero. i'm serious. i love that kid. manchester orchestra was great. we got front row of course. and max bemis and alex kent were so close. i made eye conatct with both. i was like speechless. they did an awesome set. ending with admit it! hell yes. i don't know what more to say. they are amazing live- if i ever get a chance to see them again i will go in a heartbeat.
another amazing thing- i discovered a band called weatherbox. great music and energy. all the guys sing and it's just like awe inspiring. i met them afterwards- all but the drummer who looks like a blonde bert mccracken. i got pics(there on my cuz's camera and i haven't seen them yet. i want them bad.) and struck up a convo. some of the sweetest guys i could have ever wished to meet. it is love. no other way to put it. i told them they were going to have to make it big one day. and the bassist(complete hottie) said people don't care and he screamed at these three guys going out the door"we're weatherbox" and they didn't pay attention and he was like see? and i was like they have no taste in music. people like that don't count. and i was talking to the main singer cause he was all like yeah it's never going to happen. i was like you're opening for say anything and you're amazing. i was serious about everything i said for the record. i said it was love. seriously as soon as the music started i was like this band-they are something for sure. much love to weatherbox. go check them out.
one quick side note: i learned my lesson. i saw all the members of say anything and the other bands. yes including max bemis before the show and i didn't go up and ask for a picture or anything because i didn't want to be a pain. needless to say i only got to meet one of the members of say anything after the show. boo hoo. i guess there is always next time...and i learned. so there.
another amazing thing- i discovered a band called weatherbox. great music and energy. all the guys sing and it's just like awe inspiring. i met them afterwards- all but the drummer who looks like a blonde bert mccracken. i got pics(there on my cuz's camera and i haven't seen them yet. i want them bad.) and struck up a convo. some of the sweetest guys i could have ever wished to meet. it is love. no other way to put it. i told them they were going to have to make it big one day. and the bassist(complete hottie) said people don't care and he screamed at these three guys going out the door"we're weatherbox" and they didn't pay attention and he was like see? and i was like they have no taste in music. people like that don't count. and i was talking to the main singer cause he was all like yeah it's never going to happen. i was like you're opening for say anything and you're amazing. i was serious about everything i said for the record. i said it was love. seriously as soon as the music started i was like this band-they are something for sure. much love to weatherbox. go check them out.
one quick side note: i learned my lesson. i saw all the members of say anything and the other bands. yes including max bemis before the show and i didn't go up and ask for a picture or anything because i didn't want to be a pain. needless to say i only got to meet one of the members of say anything after the show. boo hoo. i guess there is always next time...and i learned. so there.
Monday, March 31, 2008
this goes out to the people who fight for what they love...
ghostland observatory.
so to start out. i ended up having to go by myself. everyone else in this small town is lame. but whatever. much to my dismay we left an hour after i would have liked to and stopped at ihop along the way (i mean i love ihop too. but come on.) doors opened at nine. i wanted to get there at the latest 7:30 beacuse that's the way i roll. no lie i almost had a panic attack more than once. okay maybe i'm obsessive, but that's how i get front row. ya know? anyway we don't get to dc until like 5 till 8. mom typed in the wrong street name so until i finally convinced them something was wack we drove around in circles. get to 9:30 club at like 8:25. i was shocked to say the least. only four people were in front of me in line. was karma rewarding me for something? beacuse that was a miracle.
got up front of course. made friends with a thirty-some couple. real nice. for the first 30 minutes there weren't more than 40 people in the club. by 9:30 people start to trickle in. some dj dude opens. people roll in while he's playing and club ends up being packed. hell yes ghostland observatory. we love you. so he's nto a bad dj or anything but he played for more than an hour. me and the couple kept checking our watches. a little after 11 ghostland observatoy finally takes the stage.
can we say love? being a dancer, of course i love aaron for his continuous moves. the whole club was dancing. it was thrilling. aaron starts doing some little crotch thrust thing near me. i was like woo. there was fog and lasers the whoel time. really neat. but it very much hindered my photo taking ability. the photos still look really neat even though they are fucked up. i took some videos too, but they're really bouncing-because as i said before-the whole club was dancing. ghostland observatory puts on an amazing show and they are great live. unbelievable.
so i made eye contact with thomas. got a smile. hell yes. aaron kept dancing right in front of me. i picked the best spot. lovely. i was in front of this speaker thing and aaron would like prop his foot up on it and sing a lot and he had to cross over it to go to the other side. he was so close the entire time i could have touched him constantly. he said down on the speaker twice and sang and i got one of the times on video. i was in awe. he grabbed my hand one time (that ended up on video too). at ther very end, he like leaned into the crowd and in the process his shirt got unbuttoned and his sexy little chest was available for everyone to gaze upon (needless to say. that ended up on video somehow also.)
the most important part of the concert may have been this fact. they are from austin, texas. and of course you can't tell from their music. well, a certain fact that i discovered the first time i saw them-on austin city limits- had slipped my mind. aaron's accent. country. but not redneck country. adorable country. he made the comment one time along the lines of: dc is great. usually when we come out we have to kind of marinate the crowd a bit- but when we came out you guys were already roasting on the barbeque pit. for the first time in my life i love a country accent. okay- so probably just his. but for the first time, i was happy i was raised in little ole nowhere. (a creepy side note: the shirts that i got have a suna nd a cloud below them. the cloud is virginia in reverse. i swear. i looked in the mirror and i was like that's virginia. and everyone agrees.)
without a doubt one of the best shows i've been too. in aaron's honor i've been rocking braids for almost two weeks. i might try a different hairstyle tomorrow. but i'm bringing sexy braids back with aaron. yes so i'm wack. i think someone is hott so i emulate their style. watev. so if you don't know who ghostland observatory is-go check those boys out. who ever thought two guys could create music so powerful. olivia loves her some ghostland observatory and some hot braid wearing, aviator glasses, killer dancer, country accented lead singer named aaron. and of course that killer cape wearing, keyboard playing, drum banging, synthesyzing genius named thomas. thank you ghostland observatory for creating dance music with meaning.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
but nothing's as it seems...
i'm afraid i may be becoming a bit obssesive about this whole escape the fate thing...i guess that's what happens when you have too much free time. i was thinking about all the amazing concert experiences i've had so i thought i'd write them down...as i said before i have too much free time. in chronological order starting from most recent:
1. papa roach/hinder/12 stones-nothing really eventful-i was in the front. in a civic center though. ewww
2. gym class heroes/plain white t's/fall out boy/cute is what we aim for-so i went with this chick. wish i would have gone with other people. civic center again. ew. we got seats. hated that too. but tyga performed. i love that kid. and i did get to see de jesus and my travie. could have been way better though.
3. wayne newton-yeah with my grandmother. i enjoyed it. might have been the youngest person there. im bitchin. donkey shame.
4.my chemical romance/muse: civic center type of place in williamsburg. went with my cuz and her friend. we got seats-weren't down in the area at the stage. but it was still cool. mikey had just gotten married, so he wasn't there. but the black parade puts on a great show. so does muse.
5.the junior varisty/some other small local bands-i first saw the junior varsity at flipside festival so it was cool to see them again. they performed in this little coffee shop. very intimate. maybe fifty people. kick ass. got to meet them and get some pics. very nice.
6. epitaph tour: the matches/escape the fate/the higher/i am ghost- probably the best and most eventful concert ive ever fucking attended. the matches headlined. i was right up against the stage. ended up with bruises on my thighs. the higher: face was right in front of me. made eye contact a lot. hottt. he has the collest little dance moves. he did this little back bend thing and he was like staring right at me. cause i was there, ya know? seth's crotch was very close to my face a few times, but that wasn't a big deal. i'll explain later. i got a pic with face later-he remembered me and was really sweet. i am ghost- kickin performance. got a water bottle from the guitarist. steven ended up being really personable along with the rest of the band. escape the fate: ronnie drenched the first row in water numerous times. omar grabbed my head(like in the not good enough for truth in cliche video where he grabs max's).ended up getting a bitching picture with max even though i look uber gross. eye contact is always fun at concerts especially when you're right against the stage. i had omar and max asses and crotches right at my face a lot. ronnie cock there too. very enjoyable. he's so damn hott. the matches-i talked to ben and was like i'm going to take your job one day and he was like ok then. cool. eye contact with shawn. got pics with all my boys of course. i got a guitar pick. do i even have to say it? more packages in my face. jon a few times. mainly shawn's. i'm not complaining. kind of arkward but who cares. i almost got choked. shawn jumped up on the little box beside me and kind of behind and his mic cord was pushin against the front of my neck and i was having to lean back and it was liek choking me and the girl behind me helped me pull it off. a little scary. but when i die i wouldn't mind it being a good story like that. shawn and jon did an acoustic scratched out. everyone was in a circle around them and of course we were all singing along. well this one part comes up and shawn is looking at me and like coming over(hard to explain. you kind of had to be there. ask chrissy) and i was like and compulsively charging cds to my account and it was like me and shawn singing it to each other. that probably makes no senses. oh well chrissy knows what happened. take my word for it. it was amazing.
7. the matches/ +44- i got a water bottle and pick from the guitarist of plus 44. he must have liked me. got pics with my boys of course. before the concert just happened to be parking. who is standing there? justin and shawn. so we get out and i'm so liek excited/nervous. ahhhhh. gets pics. odd conversation where shawn is talking about how the guy wouldn't put cheese on his gyro.
8. flipside festival- too many bands to name. my first matches show. yay. shawn climbed up on the fence. i was like love. got to meet them. went back twice. it was love at first sight. autographs galore. yay. this was back in the jon with no hair days. shawn with that cute hacked off hair-do with that blonde section. met motion city soundtrack. transition was a band i fell in love with that. too bad they broke up. got a broken bllody toenail. hardcore. it didn't grow back right till like last summer. started raining right before motion city soundtrack goes on. i talked my friend into staying for that. relient k was up next and after them was suagrcult- the big finale. needless to say i didn't get to see either. it was only like one more hour. i mean come on. oh well.
i'll end there. i have two concerts coming up in the next week and i get to see my boys the 15. i can't wait. i'm sure i'll have more deatils. i doubt anything can be better than that epitaph tour show, but i'll keep attending concerts no matter what. who knows when something like that will happen again...
1. papa roach/hinder/12 stones-nothing really eventful-i was in the front. in a civic center though. ewww
2. gym class heroes/plain white t's/fall out boy/cute is what we aim for-so i went with this chick. wish i would have gone with other people. civic center again. ew. we got seats. hated that too. but tyga performed. i love that kid. and i did get to see de jesus and my travie. could have been way better though.
3. wayne newton-yeah with my grandmother. i enjoyed it. might have been the youngest person there. im bitchin. donkey shame.
4.my chemical romance/muse: civic center type of place in williamsburg. went with my cuz and her friend. we got seats-weren't down in the area at the stage. but it was still cool. mikey had just gotten married, so he wasn't there. but the black parade puts on a great show. so does muse.
5.the junior varisty/some other small local bands-i first saw the junior varsity at flipside festival so it was cool to see them again. they performed in this little coffee shop. very intimate. maybe fifty people. kick ass. got to meet them and get some pics. very nice.
6. epitaph tour: the matches/escape the fate/the higher/i am ghost- probably the best and most eventful concert ive ever fucking attended. the matches headlined. i was right up against the stage. ended up with bruises on my thighs. the higher: face was right in front of me. made eye contact a lot. hottt. he has the collest little dance moves. he did this little back bend thing and he was like staring right at me. cause i was there, ya know? seth's crotch was very close to my face a few times, but that wasn't a big deal. i'll explain later. i got a pic with face later-he remembered me and was really sweet. i am ghost- kickin performance. got a water bottle from the guitarist. steven ended up being really personable along with the rest of the band. escape the fate: ronnie drenched the first row in water numerous times. omar grabbed my head(like in the not good enough for truth in cliche video where he grabs max's).ended up getting a bitching picture with max even though i look uber gross. eye contact is always fun at concerts especially when you're right against the stage. i had omar and max asses and crotches right at my face a lot. ronnie cock there too. very enjoyable. he's so damn hott. the matches-i talked to ben and was like i'm going to take your job one day and he was like ok then. cool. eye contact with shawn. got pics with all my boys of course. i got a guitar pick. do i even have to say it? more packages in my face. jon a few times. mainly shawn's. i'm not complaining. kind of arkward but who cares. i almost got choked. shawn jumped up on the little box beside me and kind of behind and his mic cord was pushin against the front of my neck and i was having to lean back and it was liek choking me and the girl behind me helped me pull it off. a little scary. but when i die i wouldn't mind it being a good story like that. shawn and jon did an acoustic scratched out. everyone was in a circle around them and of course we were all singing along. well this one part comes up and shawn is looking at me and like coming over(hard to explain. you kind of had to be there. ask chrissy) and i was like and compulsively charging cds to my account and it was like me and shawn singing it to each other. that probably makes no senses. oh well chrissy knows what happened. take my word for it. it was amazing.
7. the matches/ +44- i got a water bottle and pick from the guitarist of plus 44. he must have liked me. got pics with my boys of course. before the concert just happened to be parking. who is standing there? justin and shawn. so we get out and i'm so liek excited/nervous. ahhhhh. gets pics. odd conversation where shawn is talking about how the guy wouldn't put cheese on his gyro.
8. flipside festival- too many bands to name. my first matches show. yay. shawn climbed up on the fence. i was like love. got to meet them. went back twice. it was love at first sight. autographs galore. yay. this was back in the jon with no hair days. shawn with that cute hacked off hair-do with that blonde section. met motion city soundtrack. transition was a band i fell in love with that. too bad they broke up. got a broken bllody toenail. hardcore. it didn't grow back right till like last summer. started raining right before motion city soundtrack goes on. i talked my friend into staying for that. relient k was up next and after them was suagrcult- the big finale. needless to say i didn't get to see either. it was only like one more hour. i mean come on. oh well.
i'll end there. i have two concerts coming up in the next week and i get to see my boys the 15. i can't wait. i'm sure i'll have more deatils. i doubt anything can be better than that epitaph tour show, but i'll keep attending concerts no matter what. who knows when something like that will happen again...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
you said that if you saw your star then you would die. and there's only one star out tonight. maybe it's mine...
i honestly can't tell you why i'm writing this. but if you are an escape the fate fan then maybe this will seem relevant to you. if you aren't an escape the fate fan you just haven't had the pleasure of being exposed to them yet. poor sheltered you. anyway... i saw escape the fate last feburary on the epitaph tour. i went to see the matches of course, and i liked the higher quite a bit. seeing escape the fate was a rad experience. i was intrigued. over the summer especially i really got into them. not to mention that ronnie radke. he is one fine piece of work. for a good while now they have been in my like top three most listened to bands i do believe. there is something about their music that just evokes this sense of somthing, this unnameable feeling. you know? if you go look at my post titles you will discover many escape the fate lyrics. ronnie's voice is amazing and the lyrics are uber beast to say the least. they've influenced me a good deal i suppose. i'm probably rambling but i don't give a fuck at the moment. omar...for those of you who don't know...guy who grabbed my head...left the band a while ago. but now ronnie is gone. he got into some bad shit. if you want the details, go read it for yourself beacuse i'm not here to focus on incidents like that. bands are never the same without the lead singer. unless he sucks. which in ronnie's case couldn't be futher from the truth. fuck the shit that happened. it was wack. i love that ronnie radke. there is not a kid as hot with eyeliner and tattoos anywhere on this planet. he is pure rocker. there is something to be said about people like that. i hope one day things will work out for ronnie and his musical talents will be released to the world again. until then play those escape the fate songs. i'm not usually a big fan of their kind of music, but there is something about escape the fate...listen to them and you'll know what i mean. two final comments. escape the fate is(was) a bitchin band. i fucking love ronnie radke. anyone who thinks any less of him now fo the shit that happened needs to go curl up in a cave and rot to death. music-his music and talent is what matters and is what he should be known for.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
the world is moving everywhere but here, so load my van. destination: nowhere near
to quote escape the fate: i hate to be the one to bear the bad news. yes, it is true. i finally fell in love. so- this beautiful thing right here is my baby. people who know me well know i've been wanting a voltzwagon van since i was itsy bitsy. i really can't remember what got me hooked on them- maybe it was too much scooby-doo and mystery machine exposure... i named him tim in honor of the guy we bought it from. tim roberts was his name and the whole experience was way too rad to be true. tim roberts was one of the nicest people i could ever hope to meet. but back to my tim. he's a 77. i think he's going to stay his hue of white for a while becuase i'm digging it now. he's in such good shape it's shocking. i must be running upon some luck because finding one of these bad boys looking this good is not an easy task by any means. tim has lots of cool details like a front seat that swivles. but if you know me. i'm sure you will find out all the tidbits from my sweet little mouth or from exposure to tim himself. tim does have one flaw- he's a stick shift. olivia needs to master this whole thing before she can really love tim with all her heart. after all, right now olivia and tim are unable to spend any alone time together. but soon. very soon my love.
for your information: other kick ass (like bruce lee) things happened this weekend- but i figured i needed to dedicate a whole blog post to tim. after all he is my one true love.
Monday, March 10, 2008
what will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
i must dedicate this blog to ironic incidents, weird coincidences, whatever you wish to call them. i limit my accounts to a select few. who knows, one of these blogs might pop up again in the future. so, one of these little events occured yesterday, and i felt what better time to compile all my coincidences than now. they never seemed to be of enough substance to dedicate individual blogs to, so here be randomness that dates back a good while, some of which may come off as pure stupidity. what can i say?
today: i had a dream about gomez on saturday night in which he had gotten a hair cut. low and behold who comes into class today with a shorter do? take a guess.
heath ledger: i was on the bus the morning after heath ledger's death and was talking to my bff about his movies. another girl asked what i was talking about. i said the paramedics found him dead with... just as those words escape my mouth, an ambulance whizzes by our bus. needless to say, we were both a little freaked out.
mikey: me and my bff were on the bus and happened to have been talking about people who used to ride our bus(one being mikey) and somehow rather jokingly a comment was made along the lines of "oh, yeah, i have the hots for that kid." we look out the bus window and who is pulled up in a car? somehow during this, the button of my pants pops off. ironic, much?
decomposer: this is the weirdest one for me. maybe i look into things too much. maybe. the matches are my favorite band. andy had gotten me decomposer a month or so in advance. but of course me being who i am, i don't feel like i actually have the cd until i'm holding the real thing- shawn harris artwork and all. well, this thing i'd been waiting for for ages comes out tuesday. andy goes to the hospital with a severe concussion that day. and then it happens. iboo dies wednesday. something so great counteracted with something so tragic.
so...a band in hope comes out march 18...andy got me the cd about a month ago...i'm kind of apprehensive...i'm wack, i know... just, if something happens i can say i knew it would go this way...i'll call it ummmmm my attempt at comfort? reassurance?...hell if i even know anymore.
today: i had a dream about gomez on saturday night in which he had gotten a hair cut. low and behold who comes into class today with a shorter do? take a guess.
heath ledger: i was on the bus the morning after heath ledger's death and was talking to my bff about his movies. another girl asked what i was talking about. i said the paramedics found him dead with... just as those words escape my mouth, an ambulance whizzes by our bus. needless to say, we were both a little freaked out.
mikey: me and my bff were on the bus and happened to have been talking about people who used to ride our bus(one being mikey) and somehow rather jokingly a comment was made along the lines of "oh, yeah, i have the hots for that kid." we look out the bus window and who is pulled up in a car? somehow during this, the button of my pants pops off. ironic, much?
decomposer: this is the weirdest one for me. maybe i look into things too much. maybe. the matches are my favorite band. andy had gotten me decomposer a month or so in advance. but of course me being who i am, i don't feel like i actually have the cd until i'm holding the real thing- shawn harris artwork and all. well, this thing i'd been waiting for for ages comes out tuesday. andy goes to the hospital with a severe concussion that day. and then it happens. iboo dies wednesday. something so great counteracted with something so tragic.
so...a band in hope comes out march 18...andy got me the cd about a month ago...i'm kind of apprehensive...i'm wack, i know... just, if something happens i can say i knew it would go this way...i'll call it ummmmm my attempt at comfort? reassurance?...hell if i even know anymore.
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