if you love me...won't you let me know?

so... to refer back to a vignette i once wrote...it doesn't get any better.
after an amazing recital, i will reflect back on a little secret. perhaps you will interpret is as minuscule in importance or complete nonsense, but for whatever reason it affected me and for that reason and that reason alone, i have chosen to acknowledge it here. i had brought along my locket with iboo's pictures, for obvious reasons and not so obvious reasons i suppose. well, saturday night, as we stand backstage ready to go on for our first dance i realize i had paid no mind to it since i had left walmart to head to the school. as we all know from my previous blog entry, saturday's performance was not anywhere close to the expectations i had set for myself. sunday, i did pay attention to my little locket and the performance was what i dreamt it would be. as i reflected back in my restless state, i came to the realization that my locket had played an integral part in my success. we all have our beliefs- this is mine. i will never forget who i am doing this for and i will never forget how i got here.
as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. and my, did it pour.
i did not got to school on monday
1) i was walking like a hobo when i awoke
2) my calves were and are killing me when i squat
3) i was physically and mentally drained(an odd but intriguing feeling)
4) i have weird stretch mark-esque things on my upper left thigh that hurt to the touch
anyway, that night i attended an awards ceremony for the anne spencer poetry contest in which i was a finalist along with 2 of my friends. ms. frazer was also in attendance. well, i did not know what poem had been submitted- eyeliner or she was:the one about my grandmother. well, it was the latter and we had to read them. i was fine until the second line. and then i couldn't help it. i burst into tears( and i don't cry in front of people). what the fuck? it urned to the guy and informed him promptly that i was sorry but i couldn't read it. ms. frazer saved the day and did it for me. i didn't win but i was in the top twelve and received honorable mention. another one of the finalists poem's was entitled iris-ironic much? what do they expect em to do when shoving this all in my face at once? i mean come on...
but to the good news, as we stood there before the ceremony, frazer fraze informed me that i will be next year's co literary editor for collage with one of the other finalists. i was ecstatic in ways i can't even explain. an amazing recital and an amazing position. when it rains, it pours, i'm telling you.