Give me a head... i mean a hug!

As one anxiously awaits the rise of the curtains, a revelation produces itself as bright as the stage lights. For the moments of the most importance are within fingers' reach. This is the time to excel or fail and one only discovers the outcome when standing delicately balanced for the world to see. These coming moments are created by the soul, ready to release itself after years of careful preparation. One channels all hope into he chance to gain wings and soar into the heavens among the stars. Nothing feels out of reach, but yet the demon called Doubt eats itself into the depths of one's being. The thoughts of failure refuse to relinquish themselves. It is the one chance and butterflies do somersaults in one's stomach. All eyes are focused on one's being and in those eyes can be seen a dream-reflected.

all the stars and boulevards ain't close enough for you...

last night was thrilling. not just the sleep deprivation part either. sometimes things just feel like they click. these are the kind of moments i'm bound to remember for the rest of my restless life. last night was one of those moments. a night of epiphanies if you will.

there is a brother of two of my dance friends name patrick who I always tease and call hot stuff and whatnot. last night after dance I was walking out and he had an adorable little friend with him. the kid whistled at me. i looked back and kept walking. i mean come on he's like ten.
well anyway, at relay Patrick and his friend stopped by for a little while. along with Patrick's mom, sisters, naomi and the reece girls. all the little ones were so excited to see me and it felt great. i walked around the track with my arms around patrick and his friend. patrick didn't want to go home. i love kids. they always brighten my day.
bella was there the whole night. she ended up falling asleep about midnight, but it was fun because she is so darn sweet and i adore her.

i really felt like chrissy and i bonded a good amount last night. i think we kind of needed that. i love her to death and it's cool to have her back as my bff. me and jordy were good last night also. i love when that happens.

and there's this guy i kind of like now. i've been slightly crushing on him for a while, but last night just magnified it all. it's stupid, i know. he graduates in three weeks. and i've never felt i had a chance with him anyway. i hung out with him most of the night last night and kind of got to know him. the more i get to know the more i start to like him. i just wish it would have all happened sooner... he is hilarious. i think i laughed more last night than i have in weeks thanks to him. he is a sweet guy who doesn't drink or smoke or any of that crap and i really respect that. he doesn't cuss either. i was like wow. he's super sweet and attractive. i walked a few laps with him by myself and that was really cool. one time he said something about how i should hang out with him at his house tomorrow and i didn't know if he was serious or not. maybe we will get a chance to hang out sometime. anyway...then for a few hours me and him and jordy and chrissy chilled. i want a sweet, good guy like him...or him preferably. but i'm realistic. damn. i wish i didn't have to be.

i'm trying to get over a certain guy btw. i am split over whether i should or not. i don't want to, but it seems like the best thing to do. last night helped a little i do believe.

to sum it all up... i feel i learned a lot about myself last night. i feel comfortable again.

can i hear three cheers for me?

excuse me for saying...congratulations are in order. i have been invited to begin pointe!!! for that past few months i have been wishing i could begin pointe. i had come to the conclusion it just wasn't going to happen this year...but it has. i could not be more excited.

i am one step closer to being that prima ballerina. i get to start over the summer. another reason to add to the list as to why this summer will be the best. i know it will take dedication. it's going to be intense...but that's what i like. pain will probably play a big part too. but pain is a fleeting feeling....the feeling of accomplishment lasts forever. in a sick way, i'm looking forward to pain. yay. self mutilation. okay just kidding on the self mutilation thing.

every day it seems more possible, more in my reach to become that prima ballerina. i will settle for no less at this point. i'm going to make it.

if you would have suggested the idea 5 years ago, i would have laughed in your face, but i'm here. i can do this. this is me. this is my life now. i can't live it any other way. every accomplishment, no matter how small, makes my dream all the more reality. but i mean come on, pointe.... that's professional. i'll save all my feelings about pointe until i begin. right now i just want to feel this overwhelming feeling that can't be described. i love it.

"we know that we are more than this. more than we know, there's a reason we exist. we know we won't be this easily dismissed." ---the matches: point me toward the morning

i ain't giving up quite yet, i've got too much to lose...

today i came in contact again with someone who intrigues me...

he won't read this so i feel okay using his name. for all intents and purposes it will make it easier. his name is hunter and his mom and my mom used to work together and were friends. they became pregnant around the same time with us. and so it goes...

her name is anne. well i met anne when i was in sixth grade i do believe. she was working at the clinic thing where i was getting my shots and i can remember instantly liking her. she was a real doll.

anyway. rewind a few months to governor's school time. my mom pulls up at about 6:40 in the stanton river parking lot and looks over and spots anne. it took a little while for me to recall her. well, hunter was a little gov school geek too. he started in ninth grade for the record. so our moms were yapping and we were thus introduced.

spending around two hours a day with this kid each day.... he is a very quiet one. i liked him off the bat though. he just has that quality. he's real shy but he would laugh along to evan's jokes and talk a little. i always thought he was uber sweet. secretly i kind of wished he'd open up and we could ummm chill?

anyway, today we're at the court house getting my license.... who walks in? hunter and his mom. his mom and my mom sat beside each other and chatted like teenagers. (btw they're was a smoking hot kid who caught my attention as he walked in... punk haircut and a blue suitjacket. damn i'm not even going to tell you what i want to do to that kid. lol) anyway, afterwards we all walked out together. i think i heard hunter say more words in 5 minutes than i had heard of him in two months. he seemed less shy i guess. he looked more like mature or something too. i couldn't help but to have a little crush on the kid. he so fucking innocent and adorable. not my type, but hey... the way things have been going lately i'm ready to have a stupid high school relationship with a sweet person. i mean hell, out parents are already friends.

when we got in the car my mom said anne had made the comment that we keep crossing paths. she said me and hunter needed to get married so that her and mom could sit together in church too.

i can't help but to believe crossing paths does mean something.... i love things like this....

insane and rising in my own weird way...

okay so i'm back to random posts for the moment. babble ramble babble ramble. that's me. so have you ever thought about how much things influence you when you are really young? i can't recall what got me to thinking about this... well then. perhaps we have always liked the things we like now, and so the feeling was present when we were younger. or perhaps the things we are exposed to are the things we grow to like. i go with the first...

my first favorite band was matchbox twenty and my first favorite song i can remember was santa monica by everclear. i knew all the words. so first off i was always a sucker for lyrics. i was like two when this came out- i'm still a rocker.

i watched scooby doo religiously. i've always wanted a volkswagen van- for no particular reason, it just appealed to me. mystery machine influence?

one of my favorite shows when i was younger was tales from the crypt. i loved the crypt keeper-he was funny. i love horror movies. b movies especially are my weakness.

in living color. my parents watched this when i was little. every time i would get up and dance along with the fly girls. hmmmmm so i knew my calling a hell of a lot sooner than i realized...

bambi and fox and the hound. i've never seen more than the first five minutes of either. when i was smaller and fox and the hound came on i was so traumatized, i cried hysterically for so long that my parents took me outside and eventually took me to walmart to get me a toy to get my mind off of it. i'm a vegetarian now. i guess animal killing was never appealing. damn you hunters.

i'm sure there is more. but i'm done for now.