let me tell you about a girl i know. she like hip hop and rock and roll....

for the past few days i have been enthralled in art. ive never tried painting or any such thing before, so i decided to dabble in it. i mean, what the hell? i feel illustrious. yay me.

so this is my first. it is entitled bob ross. its my attempt at a modern art shoutout.

and this is inspired by an old postcard of mine. i did a sun print and i felt it only fitting to do a painting also.

hallelujah to the ones in our bones. hallelujah to the ones that we love...

dreams. lately i have been plagued with them. i'm not saying this is a bad thing. this is just an odd thing for me. like seriously...what the fuck is going on in my head?

i'm in walmart with my mother and grandmother. the world is going to end in the matter of a few hours. there seems to be doubt among many people, but not enough doubt to let it go. it is like you know everything is going to be gone, but at that same time you hang on to that one fragment of hope that something will go wrong and everyone can go back to living normally. but anyway, everything is on sale. why the stores are still open is beyond me. maybe the people thought if they kept living normally, then nothing bad could happen. so, i'm anxious to get home, because i want two things. my dad and my locket with iboo's pictures.

we finally get home and at this point there are only two or three hours left. no one knows what to do. i've got my cell phone in hand, anxiously awaiting a text from dream crusher for some reason. no one is in the living room with me and i'm clutching my locket and thinking...how can this happen? and i feel like i've known for months and i'm still in denial that time could have passed so fast. and i stare out the window at the trees and i blink me eyes.

and i'm in this small little one room building that is school. it is just us kids and a few teachers. i'm still clutching my locket and sitting on the floor in front of this bench thingy and thinking...i want my matches cds. the world is going to end in a matter of minutes and i know that is the only thing that could even begin to comfort me.

and then it is time. it is dark outside, no stars, nothing. we all watch out the window to see what our fate will be...if this is really true. there is this flash and then we know that is it. some teacher is like "let's try the door. that's the only way we will know." somehow if the door will open, the world hasn't ended. and if it won't budge, well you get the point. so the teacher goes to the door and it won't open. this overwhelming feeling takes over me. it can't be described.

and then some boy is yanking at the door and i'm on my feet. and he's yanking and yanking...and then it cracks open. in a rush, without even thinking, i'm out the door and running with all i have in me. i hear the door slam and i see a few other people around me. and we are running and running and running over these hills with no trees in sight.

and all of a sudden, lights appear in perfect little lines. we all stop and stare. they are like lines of fireflys. and they are all around us. and i realize daniel is to my side. it is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life. daniel is like "what are those?" and i respond "they are souls." and there are thousands and thousands, never ending lines of beautiful lights, of beautiful souls. heading in the opposite direction as we are. daniel makes the comment "well, that goes against any religious belief i've ever heard. but i'll except it." and the lines of light move to the building we were in, and as it passes over, more lights join.

we begin to walk again and end up in a little area. aaren is there, ryann, and a few other people. all together there are six of us and someone else in the outskirts. and i think how we are the only survivors...that there must be more. and i watch the beautiful lights fly over the hills.

and i awake.

i always try to find the meaning in my dreams. i read something about the world ending in 2012 a few weeks ago. maybe? and i wake up this morning and it is july 12. i realize today would have been iboo's birthday. come september 13 iboo will have been gone two years. perhaps a little of both then?

standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it's not as hard as it seems...

usually my most psychotic dreams occur when I am sick or severely sleep deprived. two days ago i was neither, but yet i had the dream that is one of my oddest thus far. most dreams i tend to forget unless i make the point to lodge them in my cranium for further analysis. this one just stuck though without the slightest amount of effort from moi. and so i will tell my tale. do your best to follow along.

bob dylan is my father. he is like 40 maybe. well we spend our time in this clubhouse type thing that you would see on a pbs show as a teenage hangout. there are always a massive amount of people chilling in there btw. well my mother, who is a lady that is exotic, yet homely.(if you can imagine that) she goes to africa or singapore or something to help needy kids.

my dad bob dylan is cheating on my mom with some bitch. i love my dad bob dylan, but he infuriates me because i'm like come on. mom is helping needy children and you can't keep it in your pants? (a side note: my dad bob dylan is just like i imagine bob dylan to truly be. very quiet. doesn't speak too much. spends time in his room alone. kind of like my dad i guess.) i confront my dad bob dylan but the bitch is with him and i can tell he doesn't really like her but she won't shut up. i get mad that he won't stand up for himself and is siding with her so i decide to leave and somewhere in this process mom comes back.

then i'm in this hotel suite thing making drinks for people i met at the NEED trip and random other people who i've never seen before. and i conversate for a while and then decide i must stop lallygagging and head home because i've got to work out the situation with my cheating dad bob dylan.(i never get mad at him btw because he seems so fragile and so childish like he doesn't know he's done something wrong.)

so then i'm at my real life house and i know that the bitch dad's been cheating with is over at the trailer. so i head over there to cuss her out. my oblivious mother is along too. so, i go in there and start cussing the bitch out and getting very fired up. i finally decide to just go talk to my dad bob dylan because i know that i can turn him around if the bitch isn't around. so i leave mom and the bitch and the random other people who are always around in the trailer.(mom has no personality. she is just there. bitch and her don't even fight. lol)

somehow i end up at an enormous mall that our clubhouse is attached to evidently. i'm walking with this lady and her two kids inside the mall because for some reason i'm in no hurry and i need to go to cvs for some hairspray or shit. well we pass the cvs. i go in and this little middle eastern guy is there all friendly and whatnot. so i buy what i need and go out. i tell the lady and her kids goodbye and head off to talk to my dad bob dylan. somehow i get lost and i meet up again with this lady and her kids. on the escalators, the little girl hurts her achilles tendon and it is bleeding so me and the little boy go back to the cvs. we get some medical aid shit and talk to the middle eastern guy again. as i'm looking at something, these two gangsta type black guys are checking me out. one of them is like hey you wanna come hang with us. and somehow i know he wants more than to hang out. but i'm all up for that because they are both hot as shit. i ask them if they will take me to the clubhouse thing. so i make the little boy go back to his family.

i proceed to get in a car with these two gangstas. we talk about weird shit and sexual shit of course and drive through the hood and keep driving forever even though they are only taking me back to the front of the mall where i asked to go. by this time, i know i need to get back to my dad bob dylan before bitch does. i actually really wanted to "hang" with this one guy. i give him my number and tell him to meet up with me later. i get out of the car near this fountain thing and i'm like damn, how did i get lost? all these people see me. and i'm like yes. my dad bob dylan has made me mad so maybe this will get him back. and then i'm like- he's been cheating, so he can't be mad at anything i do. and i'm all excited cause i'll get to hang with these dudes again.



and then i wake up.

i seriously think i was in a parallel dimension. i want to go back.