I know it ain't how it used to be, but I'm not good at being me anymore.

A forewarning: this will prove itself to be pessimistically written and lengthy while all the while just speaking the harshest of truths.
Why is it those we love the most are those who cause us the most hurt? Why is it that those people are also the ones we hurt to the utmost degree? Why is it that the most fragile of us seem to be drawn to one another-when what we truly need is a strong associate-someone to keep us from wasting away? We all seem to be lost, but why is it that when we feel secure-not lost anymore, that we find ourselves with all the wrong people. Not strong people, but those like us, fragile. Why is it that the fragile will inevitably end up bonding and thus destroying each other? Why are we so destructive and cruel to each other? Is it something that results from our fragility or is that just the excuse? Is it a crime that is committed unconsciously or do we do it intentionally but later convince ourselves it was unintentional? Do we help destroy one another to insure we won't be the one to succumb to our weaknesses first? Do we commit the crime to make sure we don't become too attached? Is it all a desperate attempt to protect ourselves from the pain of emotions? Will we ever acknowledge those we've helped break down? Are we even capable of acknowledging those who have helped destroy us? We don't seem to be able to until it is too late. If it wasn't for one another we might stand a better chance at holding on, but we care for each other- that is our ultimate downfall. The people we care for exceedingly are the people we tend to let slip out of our lives the easiest. We spend the best times of our lives with these people. How are we to know which people in our lives are those that will have the most significant impact? Until they are gone and we reflect, we don't know. We are tricked while in the moment thinking those who will soon fade into oblivion are those which are of importance. While focusing on these people we let those who truly matter slip all too quickly out of reach. Why is it that to hide our suffering we go out of the way to harm the other person? Who are we really harming more? It is undeniable that people will come and go in and out of our lives, no matter how much that fact may eat us up inside. We can try to mask our emotions so we don't get wounded, but we still will. The fragile of us choose the path of denying emotion because we know we are fragile. The strong people, on the other hand, are unafraid to show their feelings-perhaps because they don't fully understand them. The fragile have actually experienced loss of love and it leaves them in their state. The strong are strong because they believe they have felt the pain, when in all honesty, they haven't. They can claim they have all they want, but they couldn't have. While the strong can live through life tossing all sorts of minuscule events around as extravagant hurt, the fragile live life shying away form connections attempting to avoid the effects. If this is how it works, why are the fragile pained the most? So, people come and go. It is a fact of life. Those who will influence us the most seem to be those we have for the shortest amount of time. Why is it that the ones we want the greatest amount are those we can't seem to keep? Perhaps it is the hurt we exchange. Perhaps it is because we are forcing each other away to protect ourselves from devastation. Perhaps it is that those we care for above all are those that care for us least- that would be a great wish now wouldn't it? It would make it all so much easier to know you were dealing with someone who didn't care. It would be so much easier to let go. Hate is so much easier to deal with than love. But no matter how hard we try, we can't hate those people. Instead we are faced with the truth that while we are being battered, we're also causing damage for someone else. As we watch each other collapse, claiming no guilt for aiding the collapse, we are unable to slow our own destruction. Perhaps we have no desire to if we are already in the process of losing the only thing that matters to us. In the end, all we are left with are ourselves. But can we live with that? Alone? After we have experienced that love? Then we are left to ask ourselves is the love worth the agony we have to endure? Those who are crushed first have the advantage of escaping the distress. Those that make it have to deal with the suffering we try to conceal until something else comes along( we hope). We hope another source comes along to let in the possibility of our own destruction. Those less lucky have to live with it all until death- hence the self-destruction aspect. Perhaps the fragile are divided into two groups. Those who can't stand the pain any longer, perhaps from a deficiency of sources of hope, and those who have enough hope to struggle through the pain just once more. So what are our options? What can we do about all of this? Nothing, if you are the fragile. It is just the reality that the fragile can't escape. Well to sum it all up there is a quote from Andy Warhol's character in Factory Girl as he is talking about Edie-
"I just think people forgot what emotions were supposed to be. I mean it's too hard to care. I mean, you know, I still care, but it would be so much easier not to care. It's just easier being detached."
It isn't weapons. It isn't illness. It isn't drugs. It isn't alcohol. To bluntly put it- we kill each other- with emotions.